closer and closer

Another round down.  Just three to go.  Looking a little more like an alien after each.  This was another tough one.  The pain is just not letting up.  I’m having a lot of trouble getting any decent sleep.  The erbitux has finally started to attack my toe and finger nails (this was a threat from the start.. you can google images if you want to gross yourself out!).  I’m a little afraid of what this’ll mean for the 15k.  I’m sure I’ll be fine.

I HAVE managed to go and hear music the last couple of nights.  Wednesday was the third of my brother’s Burgundy Stain Sessions at le Poisson Rouge.  They have been great shows.  This last one featured Martha Wainwright, Dawn landes, Tegan and Sara, Chocolate Genius, Elysian Fields, and David Thomas Broughton.  My brother, Thomas, has some mighty talented friends.  Here’s a little video I shot of Sara.

Then, last night, Chocolate Genius (Marc Anthony Thompson), played a show at the same venue. Thomas can trace almost all of his musical connections back to Marc. Years ago he and I went to hear Marc play. Thomas got up the courage after the show to introduce himself. Said he was a keyboardist and would love to play with Marc. A week later Marc called him and said that he was playing Joe’s Pub, and would Thomas like to sit in. He’d never heard Thomas play a note. It was through Marc that Thomas then met Oren Bloedow, of Elysian Fields, and the incredible Dougie Bowne, Marc Ribot, etc.. Marc writes beautiful songs.

Much more of Marc on Vimeo

It’ll sound like a strange thing to say, but to some degree I’m dreading the end of treatment.  On the one hand, it can’t really come soon enough.  I’m sick of hurting.  Sick of loosing every other week (at least!). Sick of being jabbed with needles and not sleeping well and mouth sores and numb hands and etc..   But I’m pretty afraid of what comes next.  I guess I’ve said it before, but there’s no real way for them to measure the success of this course of treatment.  I’ll finish 6 months of abuse no wiser than when it started.  Of course the hope is that they weren’t treating anything at all this whole time..  that the cancer was successfully removed surgically.  Problem is that there’s just no way to know.  It’ll just be a waiting game.  Checking frequently with Pet scans to see if any tumors have developed.  There’s a degree of uncertainty to the whole thing that I think will be pretty stressful to live with.  Last time I went through this stuff, they pronounced me cured!  Sent me on my way.   “Have a nice life!”   This time it’s not so clear.  This time it affects all the decisions I make from now on.  It’s all pretty daunting.

It’s going to be 70 degrees in NYC today.  I’ll have a nice walk with my friend Brenden, and then lunch out-doors, and then, hopefully get some sleep in the afternoon before getting together with a bunch of old students for dinner.

0 Replies to “closer and closer”

  1. As strange as it sounds….I’m praying the pain, suffering and sleeplessness was all for nothing…never really was needed in the first place…Here’s to 3,2,1…Done!

  2. There’s nothing we can really do to help but know that you’re in our thoughts often.
    I’m crossing all my fingers and toes that the war is won.

    Thanks for being so inspiring by letting us in and for *living* Life 100%!

  3. Thanks for sharing all of this. The melodies and the pain. Your fight inspires a lot of us to keep things in perspective. A nice meal, music, family, and the simple things that matter (bikes, too) are all worth sharing.

  4. thinking of you. so glad you got out and enjoyed some good music with friends. hope you’ve had a nice feeling from afar, we’ve been talking bout you this week. 🙂

  5. ugh i hate that idiotic insane smily face icon, i forget every time that it shows up instead of the dumb regular smily face. but too tired to log in and delete it. sorry – i think its his eyebrows, and beady eyes.

  6. I am blown away by your ability to honestly verbalize your hopes and fears to the world and to yourself. Not everyone is like this. Best wishes and god thoughts to you.

  7. You are a fantastic alien, I feel your energy, I’m with you bc you are a special and marvellous human!!, so nice music videos. I don´t know any of them, but I like. Hugs. Much!!

  8. The picture was slow to load so I played a little game called “Guess where the blood is.” I actually cheered out loud when I saw there was no blood! Have to explain myself to my coworkers now. You are amazing and such an inspiration!