bit by bit

Been a little while since I wrote.  It’s been sort of hectic.  Most recently I went up to VT for a few days to celebrate brother Sam’s birthday.  The trip was exhausting.  For some reason (that clearly had little to do with good judgement) I decided that the trip was a good time to get off the narcotics.  Cold turkey.  Baaaaaaaad idea.  I have a fair amount of experience with narcotic pain killers.  Three knee surgeries, two ass surgeries, two ports in..  one port out.  Etc..   Every other time that I’ve been on them, I’ve been able to just stop taking them as soon as the pain stops.  Unfortunately, in this particular case, the pain HASN’T stopped yet, and the doses and duration this time have been higher.   So I had a few days of pretty serious withdrawal before I smartened up and decided to ween myself instead.

Sam came back down to the city with me and on Sunday we had a massive work party to move all the stored items in my brother Thomas’ basement to mine, in order to begin the expansion of my workspace.  I was still feeling pretty crappy on Sunday, and barely had to lift a finger.  BIG thanks to brothers Zach, Sam and Thomas.  Also to Tattoo Julie and The RIcan, Nato, Caroline, Maya, My mom, Special Ed, Ari (even though he showed up after we were done), and finally, my new friend Sam Newman who I had only met days previously but who was the undisputed MVP of the day organizing everything in my basement like a champion Tetris player, and somehow making my basement look bigger than it was before we put all that stuff in it!!!  Thank you all.. so much.

Now the really fun part starts.  A couple of tons of new machines arrive tomorrow, and Brad Albetta will be helping me schlep them down to the basement.  It’s like Christmas every day.

A couple of weekends ago, my heretofore internet friend Ali came down for a visit.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer some months ago, and has been dealing with some pretty brutal treatment.  She was on a break between surgery (double mastectomy), and adjuvent chemo.  She brought lobster with her, and we ate like heroes.

She runs an Art gallery up in maine (whence she hails), and the two of us will be having a show of photos over the summer.  Photos all about cancer treatment.  Naturally we had to get our kit off and take some pictures..

Ali is good people, and her fight with this thing is still underway.  She’s got crappy health insurance, and we’re doing what we can to help with some of the expenses.  There’s going to be an auction coming up..  pretty sure you can get in on the act online.  I’ve donated a rather big print of Putney and the Injuns.  Buy it!

I’m so ready to see the back of this whole thing.  The poison, however, is slow leaving my body, and I’m not feeling as well, as fast, as I’d like.  This is a time for patience.  I don’t have much of that though.  I’ve got shit to do, dammit!  I have to keep in mind, however, lessons that I’ve already learned, having been through this once before..  Recovery from treatment is its own beast.  It doesn’t happen fast.  Last time, it took me a full year to feel like myself again.  Given that this round was much harder on me than the last, I can only assume that the recovery will take just as much, if not more patience.  A wise man said that slow and steady wins the race.. I’ve always felt that that’s well and good unless fast and steady shows up!  But this is definitely a time to repeat like a mantra, “festina lente,” or as old time vermonters say, “make haste slowly.”

Big love.

27 Replies to “bit by bit”

  1. Ez,

    So great. Am excited for you regarding machinery delivery.. . .

    And as for your evicted body guest. . . .as it is said in my native NH. . . that’ll learn ya!

    Continuous, non-stop mojonation from Philly.


  2. big love to you both. loved reading this update and can relate to the feelings of wanting recovery to go faster. pretty soon you’ll both be looking back, thinking that it took as long as it needed to… 🙂 good luck with the fight, the patience and all the fun stuff going on!

  3. When I wake up with a hangover feeling like absolute shit, I remind myself, it will only get better as the day goes on.

    Ezra, it will only get better!

  4. You attract light and pass it around, Ezra. I yet to read one of your posts and not feel blessed afterward, somehow. Continued love and good wishes for your healing and for Ali. You people are warriors.

  5. I hope putting the shop together will get your mind off some of the pain as you work through your recovery. So glad you are close to seeing the back side of this. Rock on. xo

  6. Chris Matta suggested I take a look at your blog and I’m glad he did. My girlfriend is 31, has breast cancer, and just had a double mastectomy yesterday. She’ll being going through chemo all summer and it’s great to read about your experience. Love the photos.

  7. Love to you and beautiful Ali. I want to see this show! I love the pants still around the ankles.

    I’d say I’m worried about you moving around ten tons of equipment but in all honesty, I think I’d be worried more if you weren’t. Get on with all this wonderful stuff… and I’m sending you all the patient thoughts I’ve got to help deal with the remnants of the treatment and pain. xo

  8. Wishing you guys strength! My Dad’s almost 8 months post chemo and he’s still struggling to find his strength somedays. Will keep you all in my thoughts.

  9. Ezra,
    You look SO much healthier! And I love the nudie photo of you and Ali. It sounds like you have a very supportive entourage of movers… you are obviously a great friend. I’m so glad you posted!

  10. Let me know about the dates of the photo show. We will be going home to Maine sometime this summer and hopefully it will be during the time the photo show is up! Keep mending! Good luck with all your new machine/toys! So exciting.

  11. You have suffered so much, and yet there is so much beauty in the healing and the coming together in the fight. Thank you for sharing the photo. Good luck in the auction!

  12. Wow, I can imagine its quite a test of patience until you really feel well again, but hell, you already look way better, Ezra. Its good to see this happening. 🙂
    And yeah, Id love to see pictures of that shop of yours, too.

  13. so good to read you are better.
    and so darn excited about the workspace and the machinery.
    would love to help with schlepping )
    love to you and everyone

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