Archive for December, 2014

41

snowy-500

A year ago today, on his 40th birthday, Ezra posted this “lonely photo.”  It came at the end of a blog post that recalled a long list of things he’d been able to do that year, despite his grim prognosis, and probably due in part to his choice to refuse chemo and to embrace palliative care.  He also described feeling untethered, given that his birthday and the end of 2013 had seemed like it would be his last horizon.  Ez lived five more months, during which he made many more objects and dinners, and took many more photos.

In late May, a few days before he died, we were sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out the window, and he said with joy, “It’s snowing!”… It wasn’t, of course.  Between the cancer’s progression and all the meds he was pretty disoriented.  I started to tell him gently that he was confused and to suggest he get some rest.  I’m so glad that I didn’t.  Instead I sat and watched with him, and said “Yea, isn’t it beautiful…”  Perhaps his last horizon was wintry after all.

Here’s to Ez and 40 fast years.

Big love,
Hillary