January 25th, 2013
Last night while I was cooking dinner Dale showed up at my door. “special delivery!” Dale works at the local bike shop, and the UPS guy was feeling lazy - said, “you know that bike guy, right? Do you mind taking this to him?”
Hans Dampfs!!! From Schwalbe. Thank you Schwalbe!! Pretty excited about these tires. I think they’ll fit the character and design of the bike perfectly.
I must say it’s a thrill to have all this beautiful gear showing up day by day. It’s really time to get MYSELF in gear and build this new frame!!
Added to the list of sponsors for this bike, though, is my friend Simon Arthur, the man in charge at Big Blue Saw. He’ll be donating some specially designed water jet cut 4130 parts that will make the bottom bracket area just a little more graceful and a little stiffer than the protoTA. BUT, I only sent him the designs wednesday, so I may have to wait a little while before I can start!
I haven’t been feeling perfect lately. I’ve had a cold, and I think that’s winding its way down, but there’s something else. I’m having some abdominal discomfort, and it’s impossible not to believe that I’m FEELING the tumors. It could be that it’s psychosomatic.. could be that the pain is in my head. But then again, pain is always in your head! My sciatic pain is mostly under control. I’ve found a dose of gabapentin (seizure medication that they discovered can really help with neuropathy and nerve pain) that seems to be working most of the time, with no side effects. The pain that I’ve always referred to as “cancer pain” persists. Strange phantom pain in tissue that I no longer even have! Usually there at a low level, and sometimes quite acute. But there are some new ones now.
Whether or not these new pains are REAL and are caused by growing tumors, I’m being forced to realize that much more of this is probably coming. It’s a very strange feeling to know you’ve got something growing inside you that WILL take your life. That how it’s going to happen is entirely uncertain. Will it be that the tumors in my liver grow to the point that liver function shuts down? Maybe tumors in my lung? Grossest of all, the tumor in the mesentery could end up causing a bowel obstruction and I could go very quickly and without glamor!
At any rate, the best pain killer I’ve found is distraction. To be excited about something. To be busy working on something. That’s good medicine! (bourbon and narcotics help a lot too). But I’m not blowing smoke when I say that building this bike, and doing so with the support of such a big chunk of the bike industry, is really helping to maintain my quality of life. Special heartfelt thanks to everyone involved.