Step #3001

triptychsmall

 

 

Just a quickie to say hello.

I had really hoped that I’d emerge from this latest surge of pain like some sort of phoenix from the ashes.  I haven’t, I’m afraid.  There have been a few NEW aches and pains since I last wrote.  Things moving around in there.  Pressing on nerves.  Just generally making me feel older, more tired, sicker.  BUT, I guess that’s to be expected.  I woke up the other day feeling like I had the flu, and thought to myself, “no..  probably just cancer..”

That same day (Saturday) we were scheduled to go have a family bike ride.  Hill and Sam and Em and I all piled in a Zip car and drove an hour north out of the city to ride some beautiful swoopy trails near reservoirs..  On the way there I was feeling worse and worse.  Sharp pain developing just below the ribs on my right side.  Like the sort of stitch you get from drinking a TON of water and then running.  By the time we got there I couldn’t take a deep breath without BAD stabbing pain.  Couldn’t bend over to put my shoes on.   It made for an interesting ride.  (Yes.  Of course I rode.)  I had to make sure to ride SO far inside myself that deep breaths were not necessary, and had to make sure that no sudden moves or moments of exertion happened.  HA!  Gentle soft pedaling the whole ride..  picking lines with no obstacles..   Probably a great lesson for any mountain biker.  To ride smooooooth without exerting yourself, always picking the most efficient line.  Not my style, of course.  I usually go LOOKING for trouble.  Still it was very nice just to be out there with my whole little family.  They were all very polite about how slowly I led the ride.  We drove back home and I fell asleep for a few hours until Hill woke me up to tell me that it was time to go to my parents place for dinner.

The last few days, though, there HAS been a bit of an uptick in energy.  I DID spend 5 hours in the shop on Sunday polishing up pill flasks.  They WILL be for sale by the end of the week.  I just want to get them out of my shop so that when I feel that urge to make things down there I’m not met on my arrival by this big unfinished project.  It IS funny how much more time it takes to do something 66 times than it takes to do it once.  66 times as much time, it turns out.  And yet..  I mean.  I’m a pretty smart guy.  But I REALLY went out to the shop thinking, “this won’t be so bad..  probably takes me less than 5 minutes, if I really focus, to do this step..  I should be done in an hour or so..”   Um.  Ezra?  So, of course, as REAL math would dictate, I finished up 5 hours later, exhausted.  But done.

This round of flasks is SO imperfect.  Lots of little flaws..  each flask, totally unique.  They’re so imperfect that I couldn’t decide whether to not sell them at all or charge twice as much.  I’ve decided to compromise and sell them for $88 just like before.  I will tell you all when to glue yourselves to your computers.  Probably sometime thursday or friday.

I’ll get back to pictures soon.  I promise.

And YES! to all of you who have asked about jerseys..  yes yes yes.  There were some left over.  But mostly smalls.  SO, I placed an order for some more mediums and larges and even a few XLs, so that I could put them up and not have only one size to offer.  SO try to get excited about FBC jerseys again, because they’re on the way.  I’ll probably put them up sometime next week.  They are SUPER nice.  Made in these United States.

 

Oh Snap.  I need to leave in 5 minutes.   It’s pool with Jeremiah day.  I’m late.

 

Fast boy out.

 

 

 

 

47 Responses to “Step #3001”

  1. Heinerson

    Hey Ezra,

    send you some love from germany!

    you inspiring me !!!!!!

  2. Sadie

    Hooray! So happy to see your post. You and yours have been often in my thoughts over the past week. Amazing how your words and all they convey have become so important to so many, myself included. Will be looking forward to trying to score a pill flask, and am really loving the ‘imperfections’ aspect of this batch. Also will hope to get a jersey for the hubby, avid biker that he is. Sending much light and many good thoughts your way, as always.

  3. Jack Luke

    Please tell me there are photos of you all looking super cute in matching FBC jerseys. That’d get me giddy.

  4. Parker

    I’m glad to hear you’re still working on things, Ezra. We’re all rooting for you, no matter what.

  5. Galen

    I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately Ezra. I’m very glad for this post this morning.

  6. kumi

    Even the picture tell us your unsure feeling. BEAUTIFUL.

  7. Galen

    I also wanted to let you know that I love my pill flask and I have a couple fastboy prints that keep me company at my desk during the day. I know it was a lot of work, but these small projects you’ve been completing give those of us who care deeply about your journey, a tangible way to support you and what you do, and serve as a reminder to be present and live life fully.

  8. aRobin2

    Awwww, how adorable, pill flasks that are as imperfect as all of us. Well, yes, of course we will still try to acquire (seize, grab, lock in) one from your hands and the hands of your helpers into our own. What a wonderful way to be connected, to wish you well daily while we feel the “touchflask” in our pockets. Your post is appreciated but dismaying because you were almost late for pool!! Go, be, do, rest, enjoy–as you feel! We’re all here, slow riding, slow reading, and staying the course, supporting you and surrounding you with love, dog bliss you and those who are there for you, XO

  9. Roger

    Yes, easy riding can be good too – especially with ones you love, These vignettes are terrific to read Ez, no matter how brief, for we feel isolated from you in the boondocks of Queens. Keep them coming mate.

  10. Mochuelin

    Have a very good pool time, have a rest and a very warm and marvellous time. You deserve it. Xoxo

  11. Jeff Scott

    Love you bikes, Amazed at your life dealings. Hope to meet you in NYC first of this coming year when I come for my annual NYC trip to the International Toy Fair trade show. I’ll connect as my planning comes together.

    All the best,
    Jeff Scott
    flashflight.com

  12. rc

    Ezra – been reading for years now and feel the need to tell you how much your writing, videos, photos have meant to me. I enjoy every word, even when those words are difficult to read. Thank you. :)

  13. Daniel

    jerseys!!

  14. James

    No XXL jerseys Ezra????

    - james

  15. Willie Bailey

    Glad to see your post. Keep rocking and inspiring! Hope you got the shirt I sent…just a very small thank you for all the years of photos, words and inspiration. You’re in many people’s thoughts. Take care.-WB

  16. David Marin

    Hi, Ezra!

    Glad to see that u did manage to ride. U are truly an inspiration.

    I see there are some jerseys left.

    I´m a medium and would love to have one.

    I live in Colombia, South America (yep, the land of all those famous 80s cyclists) but have relatives in the states, so, no worries on that behalf.

    Please let me know the next step to get one. It´ll be an honor to ride wearing it. Really.

    Regards,

    D.

  17. Tara

    Sorry things have been tough, you are the toughest though. The ride sounds awesome, in the way that it was so beautiful this weekend and of course you pedaled your bike despite it all. Damn. Please take care. (bike yes, pill flasks, well… superfluous?)

  18. Andrea

    Exceeding all expectations (but your own!) – a day in the life of Fast Boy. Great to read that you rode.

  19. Pilgrim

    Always good to read your updates. I agree with you – those rides where you’re forced to go “inside yourself” and be so smoooooth really do offer great lessons. Hurt like hell though.

    And yes, jerseys. I’m among the many who’d sure like to sport an FBC jersey this winter.

  20. chiara

    Love you man. U and your “little family”. Glad to hear you all had a great saturday together. Take care, we all think of the Caldwells so often…

  21. Martin

    Very glad to hear from you again!
    Your strength is very inspiring – if only I had half of it for my little daily hazzles…
    All the best for you,
    Martin from Berlin

  22. minta

    the more flawed, the better =) They will remind those who are lucky to get one of how imperfect & beautiful we all are in our own way. Hope your day at the pool was relaxing & regenerative in the manner in which you needed. =) Kiss P for me….she really is a beautiful furbaby..& hug Hill….she seems to be such a rock thru all this…in return? I will continue to send all the healing az vibes I can get my thought on.

  23. joni

    Of course you still went on the ride. Of course you did. That’s totally normal. Yeezus. ;) Good to see your fuzzy face. I’ve got my fast buying finger all ready:) Let’s do this.

  24. Paula Hess

    Sorry you’re uncomfy. Liver mets hurt like whoa.

  25. amilcar Rivera

    ,Ezra i want to let. You know feel very happy to See you in the photo take care you ,my frian send a big hug……..d

  26. sue borst

    Geez, you know you don’t have to do this stuff for your net fans. I know you love to do it, but we are FANS. NOT your loved ones, not your family. OK, yes we love your on line persona, your on line presence, your working persona, your wonderful writing, the energy you actually give to us because of your energy. BUT, please spend more time with Hill, with Putney, with EM & Sam. They are the ones who love the real you, not the on line you. If you don’t have much time, and you say you don’t, spend quality time with them.
    Don’t piss them off with your desire to produce more pill flasks and pictures for us, those things aren’t important. Spend time with them.
    I’m old enough to be your Mom and my husband died of brain cancer 3 years ago. He spent all of his last summer wanting to go back to work, he didn’t seem to know what was happening to him BUT YOU DO. You can choose to spend the time with them.
    sue

  27. Yme

    Hi Ezra, so glad to hear you got out for a ride with your family. Take care of yourself and Hill. Breathe! Hopefully, praying for this, the right pain meds combo will be found. Spend lots of time with the ones who love you. You are all in my thoughts. Love, allez. Yme

  28. Tracey

    ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

    Sad Girl Out

  29. k

    love. love to you.

  30. Paulina

    You rode, bravo!!! Keep riding, creating lovely stuff, inspiring loads of people (as a side effect) … Love to you and Hill and the family :)

  31. Danielle

    Sending so much love to you, Hill, Putney, and the rest of the fam!

  32. rebecca loudon

    Hello from the Otherside of the Country. You are so funny and smart and, well, gorgeous. Do what you want to do keep doing what you want to and f*ck the nay sayers.
    love,
    Rebecca from the Otherside of the Country

  33. Jess

    When feeling dark in my own life, I always track back to your site. Grateful for your words
    Much love

  34. Joanna.

    Yet you rock the shit out of life more than most people without cancer….. no wonder its almost like you thought ‘flu.”

    Riding is good. Oh, I’m glad you are still doing your passion

    -J

  35. Allison

    Ezra, you’re a beautiful person. That is all. :)

  36. shepard

    Hey..Ezra
    Way ta go with the ride!

    I too remember how at various moments:
    expediting the smallest of second nature
    functions has to be broken down to the least common denominator.
    Just to move from A on the way to B…

    We take so much for granted when the daily gear changes
    occur without a chain malfunction…breaking the stride
    of our glide along the way. For me it’s like flying without leaving
    the safety of the good ol’earth…Zoooooooming along:
    GLIDING the dynamics of a coast.

    I ache being reminded by your recount of challenge
    you face at times, in accomplishing the small things:
    These accounts are important for everyone; and thank you
    for the details…anyhow the least common denominator
    seems to start from very deep with in; and
    many have called it (the energy to expedite) various things:
    even if you did a flow chart…so:
    I offer these energizing links and hope these can assist in all moments
    since you share in the frozen moments of your images; and
    as ‘the here and now’ are but a snap of the finger…
    As you share… you are sharing a glimpse beyond another’s
    Horizon… because you are far beyond
    The horizon itself.

    shepard
    please take the time to get past the ads….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXDGE_lRI0E

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqd8MoiCbcI

  37. arianna

    hey pal
    just a quckie to say thank you….see you soon.

  38. Tressa Goughenour

    Hey Ezra, good to hear from you! Not to worry about those fuzzy pics — I’m totally out-of-focus, too. Big hugs.
    Tressa

  39. Frances

    Been thinking about you. Am in Chico California visiting and saw a beautiful bike with tweed bumpers and thought of you. Blessings and comforts on your ride and in the light. Love.

  40. tyler

    Ride on, man. Your steel will is true tempered.

  41. Sark

    Saw the ride pics.
    Glad you and Hill are having fun.
    Enjoy!

  42. carolyn

    from dr thomas cowan in san francisco

    Intravenous Vitamin C

    We are happy to announce that we are all set to offer intravenous vitamin C at our office here in San Francisco, according to the Kansas University protocol, to our patients. As many of you probably already know, vitamin C has a fairly long and controversial history as a medicine for cancer, heart disease, infectious disease, adrenal gland issues, and many other health problems. In the 1960s, as a result of the work of Linus Pauling there were many reports that high dose vitamin C therapy was a safe and effective cancer medicine. There were multiple reports of its therapeutic success, which eventually led to a couple of studies done at the Mayo clinic in Minnesota. To the surprise of many, the reports on the effectiveness of high dose vitamin C therapy were disappointing and this seemingly relegated this promising therapy to the long list of promising but ultimately ineffective therapies. The problem with the studies was that Pauling’s work on vitamin C for cancer was done with intravenous vitamin C whereas the Mayo Clinic studies used high dose oral vitamin C. At the time, it was thought that the absorption of vitamin C from the gut was so high that the delivery system should not matter that much. Some thirty years later, we know differently and in fact research has recently been able to show that the delivery method in fact is the key to its effectiveness.

    When vitamin C is ingested orally, the absorption is tightly regulated and limited. This has only been able to be demonstrated with the advent of the ability to measure and follow serum vitamin C levels. At the modest levels one is able to achieve with oral vitamin C, it acts in the well-known fashion as an antioxidant and vital nutrient. At the 100 fold higher levels that are achievable through the IV route the action of vitamin C is completely different. In this case, vitamin C acts as a “pro-drug”, meaning it delivers a substance to the cells, in this case preferentially to the cancer cells, that is converted in the environment of the cancer cells into hydrogen peroxide, a pro-oxidant, that is highly toxic to these cancer cells. Two other things are at work here; the first is that ascorbic acid is rapidly taken up by cancer cells as compared to non-cancer cells due to its chemical similarity to glucose, the only fuel source for the cancer cell, and secondly, cancer cells lack the enzyme catalase meaning they have a difficult time breaking down the ascorbic acid, effectively increasing the local concentration of ascorbic acid in the environment of the cancer. These facts translate high dose IV vitamin C into a completely safe and often effective cancer cell killing therapy.

    There are many cases and research papers that go into great detail about the mechanisms of action for IV vitamin C and the history of its use. As time goes on we will post more of these on our site, but for now a Google search of IV vitamin C therapy will provide you with much information about its rationale, studies and use. I have chosen to follow the Kansas protocol for IV use as it seems to be the most effective, has the clearest guidelines, and the most rationale approach. This protocol involves administration of IV vitamin C twice per week in increasing doses as determined by analysis of the blood levels immediately following therapy. Once optimal blood levels are achieved the same dose is given until one determines the clinical, x-ray and blood test response. If a remission is achieved then the therapy is continued often for 6 months to a maximum of 2 years in an attempt to change the entire course of the illness.

    The beauty of this therapy is that it meets a need that is often lacking in the holistic approach to cancer patients. Dietary intervention, mistletoe, pancreatic enzymes, low dose naltrexone, etc., are good at stimulating a healthy immune response, which, when there is time, can be enough. When faced with an urgent situation, the IV vitamin C, which can also be used along with chemotherapy if needed, provides a rapid cell-killing effect, which is often needed to compliment the immune/diet therapies.

  43. Joanna.

    xoxoxo.
    again.

  44. kimsanders

    sending love ~

  45. gwendolyn

    thinking of you

  46. Glenn Charles

    Inspiration at its finest. Thank you for continuing to share this very personal journey. I can’t wait to get ahold of one of the jerseys, so bring em on!!

  47. Shelagh Delves-Broughton

    What a beautiful gesture that Bill Nighy made to you Ezra. A class act. It was quite haunting in that it was, exactly, perfect for you!

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