The other day in the bathtub thinking about chemotherapy, I had a brief flash of the sort of bravado that I had going into treatment the first time around.  Just a glimmer of “Bring it!”  It passed really quickly.

It’s a good thing that there was any feeling at all of being ready for it, though, because the ball is rolling again.

Today I’m going in for a pet ct.  By Monday we’ll know whether or not the cancer has taken up residence in my liver/lungs etc.. fingers crossed hard.  Next week I’ll have a port placed, and on the 15th I’ll start chemo.  I had to fight for the 15th a little.  He wanted to start on the 8th, but that would have put round two on the week of thanksgiving, instead of making that a week off.

“If we start on the 8th, the week of thanksgiving will be a chemo week.”

“so?..  I’m going to be in town”

“That’s not what I was worried about.  It’s the only holiday I celebrate..  I want to enjoy it.  I cook for a lot of people on thanksgiving..”

“someone else can do the cooking.”

I gave him the steeliest look I could muster and he relented.

So it’s all still a LITTLE way off, but it’s bearing down.  Gah.  No fun.

I’m feeling better and better.  Physically, mentally.  I have moments during the day when I’m pretty comfortable and optimistic (I’m remembering a chocolate genius break up song where he sings “I forget about you at least twice a day”) .  Other moments when the pain gets away from me a little.  Evenings are strangely difficult..  5pm seems to be a real low point.  5pm or so is when I resort to pain meds (and bourbon).  For the last 3 days, though, I haven’t needed any during the rest of the day.  Progress!  In two weeks, when the chemo starts, I’ll probably be feeling pretty good!  *holds head in hands*

I’m getting pretty excited about the Assless returning from the painter with its shiny new paint.  It’s going to have a pretty different look!  Can’t wait.  It’s been about 6 weeks since I’ve ridden a bike.  Even though that thing is a torture machine, I’m looking forward to have my range extended a little.

No Responses to “friday”

  1. Carrie

    Crossing my fingers with you Ezra! Glad you stood your ground on Thanksgiving. Good call. You should make the most of it. Sending love your way man.

  2. missy

    Fingers crossed here, too.

  3. juniperjones

    Please clean………..

  4. Paul

    Fingers, toes crossed.

  5. Allison

    Not only are my fingers crossed. My legs are too. Just like my mother always insisted.

  6. brent

    Congratulations on getting Thanksgiving back! Keeping my fingers crossed for you, bother.

  7. Paul

    Ezra: Fingers crossed here. And have you thought about going freewheel on the assless? Might be the kind of break to take.

  8. BB

    Hold your ground brother and keep carving out those moments that are yours. As a 21 year survivor of this journey, it’s been those small moments of personal victory over the ‘generic solution’ offered by doctors and hospitals that have continued to float me and allowed what were once only fleeting moments of ‘forgetting’ to turn to fleeting moments of ‘remembering’. I’ll hoist a drumstick for you!


  9. franck

    We think about you all the time my friend and send you all our love.

  10. Dave

    We’ve never met or spoken, we found your blog from SWs website and have been captivated and inspired by your posts. Enjoy your weekend and we send our best for Monday and beyond.

  11. Christina

    Everything I have is crossed for you Ezra. Even things I didn’t know could cross are crossed.

    xxxxxxxxxx <—-Those aren’t kisses. They are all of my crossed things.

  12. India

    I’m rooting for you, too, Ezra. I am sending you good thoughts. You are in everyone’s thoughts here and we are all crossing our fingers and toes.

  13. John Chorlton

    Positive thoughts to you.

  14. troze

    My whole family are all crossed up wishing the best of your scan today. So glad you will enjoy Thanksgiving. For the past 20 years I have thrown a bash each Thanksgiving. This year has been challenging and I have considered not bashing this year, but your post brought my own challenges into sharp perspective and I have the resolve to bash in your honor. I pray to the Almighty for your good health.


  15. Eunice

    definitely crossing our fingers here along with you. and i’d be one pissed off bitch if i had to miss thanksgiving, too.

  16. Eric

    ¡Mantenemos las vibraciones positivas y anticipamos celebrar con vosotros!

  17. Sandwick

    All my bits are crossed!

  18. Jason Holmberg

    BEST of luck to you Ezra!!!

  19. Steph

    Hub’s last treatment should be the week of Thanksgiving. His appetite has been pretty bad off weeks as well as on. But, at least we’ll all really have something to be thankful for.

    Best of luck with the scan results.

  20. RonMH

    Here’s to hope! (raises glass with an inch of Woodford Reserve)

  21. Becca

    Sending prayers for Monday. And good job dealing with the doc. Yeow!

  22. Mette

    I’ll also keep my fingers crossed and am sending you positive thoughts.

  23. Drayz

    Fingers crossed. Way to go on thanksgiving. I concur it is those moments that make your life wonderful.

  24. nicole

    fingers crossed, you bet!
    and holding my thumbs,(german custom) just in case.
    Can t wait to celebrate Thanksgiving with you

  25. ValancyJane

    I’ts hrad ot tpye lkie tihs.

  26. kendall

    my finger toes are crossed for you ezra.

  27. kimS

    xoxo, praying for good news & strength!

  28. Marian

    crossing all fingers, toes and legs

  29. Megan

    sending energetic, healing thoughts your way!

  30. Karen

    Good luck, Ez. You are loved.

  31. Burnt Umber

    Long live the assless and the maniac who rides it.

  32. Vanessa Andres

    Joe and I have all of our crossable parts crossed. We tried to take a photo of all the parts being crossed, but no parts of the photo were in focus. So you’ll have to take my word for it.

    Seriously though.

  33. David Bolles

    Best wishes to you Ezra. Sending the same as Megan above…

  34. Laurie

    Hope all went well Friday… and that you get good news this week. I’ll be in Philly for thanksgiving, and hope to let Mr. Biggs do all the cooking. But I highly doubt I’ll get my wish. 🙂

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