The other day in the bathtub thinking about chemotherapy, I had a brief flash of the sort of bravado that I had going into treatment the first time around. Just a glimmer of “Bring it!” It passed really quickly.
It’s a good thing that there was any feeling at all of being ready for it, though, because the ball is rolling again.
Today I’m going in for a pet ct. By Monday we’ll know whether or not the cancer has taken up residence in my liver/lungs etc.. fingers crossed hard. Next week I’ll have a port placed, and on the 15th I’ll start chemo. I had to fight for the 15th a little. He wanted to start on the 8th, but that would have put round two on the week of thanksgiving, instead of making that a week off.
“If we start on the 8th, the week of thanksgiving will be a chemo week.”
“so?.. I’m going to be in town”
“That’s not what I was worried about. It’s the only holiday I celebrate.. I want to enjoy it. I cook for a lot of people on thanksgiving..”
“someone else can do the cooking.”
I gave him the steeliest look I could muster and he relented.
So it’s all still a LITTLE way off, but it’s bearing down. Gah. No fun.
I’m feeling better and better. Physically, mentally. I have moments during the day when I’m pretty comfortable and optimistic (I’m remembering a chocolate genius break up song where he sings “I forget about you at least twice a day”) . Other moments when the pain gets away from me a little. Evenings are strangely difficult.. 5pm seems to be a real low point. 5pm or so is when I resort to pain meds (and bourbon). For the last 3 days, though, I haven’t needed any during the rest of the day. Progress! In two weeks, when the chemo starts, I’ll probably be feeling pretty good! *holds head in hands*
I’m getting pretty excited about the Assless returning from the painter with its shiny new paint. It’s going to have a pretty different look! Can’t wait. It’s been about 6 weeks since I’ve ridden a bike. Even though that thing is a torture machine, I’m looking forward to have my range extended a little.