So.

Here it is.

For better or worse.

I decided after some deliberation that the assless should transmogrify into something.. well.. with an ass.  During its construction we’ve had a handful of names for it.  The Ass bike, the R.I.P. Assless, the SS.ass bike.  I think what I’ve landed on, though, is Hardass.

Most of the parts for the assless were donated by the folks who made them.  It was a very generous gesture at a time when I really needed the moral support.  These parts, though, were made to last a lifetime, and it felt a little precious just to put them up on the wall hanging from a strange frame that no longer has a use! Use it up!  Wear it out!

This bike is the result.  I switched the handlebars, and added (naturally) a seat post and a seat, but the rest is unchanged.

If I’d had the sense back when I built the assless, to put TWO brakes on the thing, I’d have a really nice single speed mountain bike.  But I built the assless under a certain amount of duress.  I had only been building bikes for about 9 months at the time, and had just found out I had cancer and couldn’t ride them anymore!  I wasn’t thinking straight.  I was used to riding brakeless fixed gear bikes, and honestly I was worried about cancer killing me, not inadequate braking!  (so add a brake, Caldwell.  Easier said than done.  The rear hub has no provisions for a disk, and the rear rim is a disk rim to match the front..  so I can’t use rim brakes.. Like I said, I wasn’t thinking ahead.)

There’s also a bit of a gear ratio issue.  What feels comfortable to stand and pedal is pretty different than what works for sitting.  That’s easily changed, however.

The bike is TONS of fun.  An urban baller.  A light front end that pops up onto curbs easily (I’m gonna get tickets on this bike. I can feel it).  A super comfy riding position for old dudes with sciatic pain.  And if I ever put together the paper for a new rear wheel, I can braze on a disk tab and take it into the woods!

14 Responses to “So.”

  1. Patrick

    Here’s to Hardass and all those glorious tickets it will get you! It’s is good to see the assless components being put to good use. I am doing my best to “use up” and “wear out” its original handlebars, but I think it will take a while!

    Cheers,
    -P

  2. Eric

    Urban Ballerrr!!! Wooot!!! What a beauty.

  3. Doug

    when you do get rear brake going on that whip, i recommend you haul it up to Stewart Forest in New Windsor. singlespeed mtb heaven!

  4. megan

    looks like its time to ride. so glad to see it resurrected to something that works good for you now and back on the streets….

  5. DeAnne

    I was all for SS.ASS :)

  6. Jack Luke

    God that is so swish. You do understated better than anyone else.

  7. MisterDangerPants

    Wicked! Seems you went with a higher axle-to-crown. Also, even though the unicrown is lovely on the Hardass (I prefer them), the fork crown on the Assless was really nice (same as the double-dually-dinglefucker). What were your thought processes on these design decisions?

  8. Chase

    Let’s go for a booze cruise. You owe me dinner.

  9. Tyler

    Assless bike was legendary in my mind. A guy rides his bike to chemo…kind of hard to fathom. So glad to see you restyled and resurrected a classic. Enjoy the ride. Don’t nit pick its defects. Marvel that a sick guy was that strong willed and determined to live well. Ride that thing with a full heart and a smile, sitting down!

  10. Jim G

    Dude. COASTER BRAKE!

    Why the fork change?

  11. Niko Paul Bovenberg

    Nice!!!

  12. Steve

    Call it Assed!

  13. Antoine

    Yeah, like Jim said… COASTER BRAKE!, but a Sturmey Archer 2-speed “kickback” coaster. You could call it the KickAss.

  14. Neil Fenton

    Wallace is for someone with a wall ass, or no ass.

    Anyway, I’ve been digging all your creations since I first saw one on cycleexif. And I agree with Antoine, the kickback is fun, although the brake fades a bit quick.

Leave a Reply