before the storm

I’m headed to the hospital in about an hour for this initial procedure.  They’ll remove as much of the lesion/ulcer as they can, in order to slice it up and get good diagnostic information.  They should have a better idea by wednesday or thursday about just how much they’re going to have to remove next week. They should be able to give me a clearer sense of the risk of ED.. maybe even a clearer sense of the need (or not) for follow up chemo.

Yesterday really felt like the calm before the storm.  It was a still, cool day in New York.  A last day before things start rolling fast.  Tomorrow, I’m guessing that I’ll be in a fair amount of discomfort.  Wednesday and Thursday, I’m guessing I’ll have appointments to discuss the findings and prepare me for what’s to come.  Friday or Saturday, I’ll obviously have to throw some sort of “fairwell to assholes” party.  And Sunday, undoubtedly, I will need to empty myself out entirely for the surgery.  I feel as though it’s all going to happen instantly.  I’m already dreading a week in the hospital.  One thing at a time!

Wish me luck.

UPDATE:

I’m home.  It was a long day.  It’s definitely cancer again, and they will definitely be amputating.  There is no bone involvement (this is the good news, though I didn’t even know it was a risk!!).  It is unclear when exactly this will be.  Maybe not monday after all.  Probably next week still..  slim chance that it’ll be the following week.

Thanks for all your good thoughts and well wishes.  I’ll write a real one in the morning.

0 Replies to “before the storm”

  1. Good luck my friend. It won’t be a farewell to an asshole party without me there. according to many people I know, I am the biggest asshole they know.

    There comes a time when you must accept a certain inevitability of things beyond your control and you seem to be doing it with a grace and style which borders on sublime.

  2. lots of luck to you ezra. also lots of hugs. remember that no matter how you view yourself we still think you’re beautiful and we all love you.

  3. best of luck! but mostly best best wishes for a quick recovery. glad you are surrounded by loved ones.

    i’ve never commented but have been a reader for a year or so and am amazed at your courage. sorry for your diagnosis. sending you and your wife so many best wishes.

  4. i’m writing a note to that ulcer right now. just pack your bags and go home. nobody wants you around.
    hang in there ez, good luck and come out swinging. thinking of you today.

  5. Adam & I bumped into Laura during the Century yesterday and you were the center of our conversation. We’re pulling for you. Good luck!

  6. Good luck, Ezra. I first knew you as Putney’s dad on Flickr but have since followed your blog and been inspired by your writing. Wishing you all the very best.

  7. I like to think that the small things make the biggest impact in life in the long term. But I sometimes think of the small hiccups that they can b in the long glorious journey that life is.

    This is a small hiccup, in the grand scheme, I’d like to think, for someone like you.

    Best Ezra!

    Naz

  8. sorry for this turn in the road, hoping for the best for you, a pile of good luck to you, and I will add you to those who I think of when I say my prayers.

    have long admired your photos on flickr.

  9. Thinking of you intensely Ez. You’ve got a large contingent here thinking of you and wishing you well even if they know of you only as the crazy bike building; food inspiring; picture taking; dog guy of NYC you’ve got a lot of love coming your way.

    We’ll be raising our Hendrick’s G&T’s to you.

  10. holding you in my thoughts. i hope it doesn’t get old, hearing that you’re an inspiration with how gracefully you’re handling this unwelcome proceeding. because you are, and will be a model for me when eventually i too find my body going rogue.

    putney’s pink and black mottled folds, looking semi-translucent under fine fur, make me think of your innards. good dog/bad dog. you’re loved.

  11. Ezra
    It’s clear from your site and flickr stream that you’ve got some wonderful family and friends to help you through this in person. Don’t give up. Your ‘lectronic friends are pulling for you too.

    B

  12. You are loved, Ez. All the good thoughts I’ve got are (and have been) heading to you and Hil. I don’t think I could say it any better than Burnt Umber… grace and style is right.

  13. Very best of luck to you mate, from another (otherwise) silent follower of your blog and flickr stream who first found you through those beautiful bikes. You’re an inspiration in so many ways. Although only a stranger from over-seas, connected in this strange internetty way, you are in my thoughts. Stay strong!

  14. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your strength, poise, and character is inspiring. Good luck and Godspeed.

  15. You may want to check out this ostomy group: http://www.ostomyadventuregroup.com/

    Shaughn Thomas started it a few years back, it went dormant for a while, but he is looking to resurrect it. He would be a great resource for you in adjusting to life with your ostomy. I “met” Shaughn 2 yrs ago through an online support group for people with familial adenomatous polyposis. I still have my colon (and hopefully my next colonoscopy confirms I get to keep it a bit longer) so I can’t give you an advice from personal experience, but I know he could.

  16. Thinking of you Ezra…after seeing you at the Century yesterday, I thought I would check in and just read about all of this. You are a soldier man. Grant and I are thinking of you and Hill- wishing you the speediest of recoveries.

  17. Best of luck, Ezra. I’m a longtime follower of your photo stream, consistently impressed with how you’ve handled yourself in the face of such a shitty (ha?) situation. You’re an inspiration, and I know you’ll do well again this time around. Hang in there.

  18. Ezra, thank you for letting us into your life as you have. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I’m sending you and your wife my best thoughts for peace. Stay strong but it’s okay to lean on your friends, family and us distant internet folk when you need to. I’ll be reading….

  19. Well dude, that’s a whole mess o’ undesirable you have to get through. I’ve been trying to formulate a joke for you that’s appropriately uplifting and raunchy, (I know it has something to pegging and cunalingus,) but I can’t make the pieces fit. So just know that there is one more person who is pulling for you and sending crazy amount of good energy your way.

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