Once every two minutes or so this thing makes a noise like hoarse mice fighting, and drips another tenth of a milliliter of 5FU into my blood stream.  Yuck.

I got back from chemo yesterday at about 3:30 and realized that in the last 24 hours I’d had: vicodin, ambien, milk of magnesia, percocet, oxaliplatin, aloxi, lukovorin, 5FU, and zofran.  I haven’t taken any recreational drugs (besides cafein and alcohol) for over 20 years.. Not a principle thing, just not my style. This sucks.

Billy came over and made some delicious chicken soup.  I didn’t eat much, and it didn’t stay down.  So much for this new stuff not being so bad.  Doc..  you’d better try more skill.  I have a feeling that they’re running out of antiemetics.

I need to get dressed and go back in.  More later.

Thank you all over and over for being part of this whole trip.  When I’m feeling this crappy, I think of all the folks out there without insurance, without support, without savings..  folks who find out late..  folks who have no choice but to continue working through treatment..  Folks who don’t have a cheering section.  I don’t think I could do it.  Those folks are made of sterner stuff than I.  The fact that in this great nation it is possible for people to end up in that situation is barbaric.  On their behalf, we should be DEMANDING reform.  Profiteering on peoples’ health should not be legal.

(whoa..  where’d that soap box come from?)

My love to you all.

0 Replies to “Boooooooring.”

  1. its a good soap box to be on. i’ll get you a megaphone too. quit making crumbling cars and 40 different toothpastes to choose from and make cancer cures. for everyone. thinking goodness for you.

  2. Love and positive thoughts and heartfelt prayers, to you and to all those struggling with similar challenges without the benefit of insurance, friends, etc…

    I’m one of those folks who have never actually met you – I think I learned of your blog through my flickr account. Anyway, though I wish you weren’t having to experience this illness and related trials, I am grateful for the experience of feeling our interconnectedness. Remembrance that really “we are all one” – it’s not just the chorus to a reggae song! Keep plowing ahead Ezra….we are all right behind you pushing with love. Your soapbox speech had not fallen on deaf ears.

  3. I always thought that was appropriate for 5FU, that it had “FU” in it…just to thumb it’s nose at cancer. Your spirit is amazing; and I totally agree with the soapbox. As a nurse, I could tell stories…
    Your positive outlook, and strong support system have obviously given you great strength; more positive vibes from the Midwest, sent your way.

  4. I think your soap box moment was very well said. I believe in capitalism and the free market, but people’s lives are not to be profited from. I hope this round of chemo is easier and we’re all still rooting for you!

  5. Hang in there my friend. We all collectively have your back no matter what.

    Should we bring you some bread next week?

  6. well my dear ezra… youve just been through it this year. i continue to pray for you and hillary and am so grateful and thankful you have one another. i’m thankful that before this happened, you lived a healthily and had habits that prolly are the reason your body was able to fight as effectively. lots of people wouldnt have done as well as you have thus far- and you’re going to keep it up! i have no doubt that the unimaginable is possible for you. keep up the great fight and being an example for all of us (with or without disease) ! love you guys.

  7. May I share a spot on your soapbox? I pretty much live there.

    In addition, I had forgoten about 5FU. It was the last drug my dad was on. (I’ve been spending weeks trying to remember. If it’s any comfort, *one* good thing has come of your situation.)

    Keep kicking ass, Ez.

  8. You look great. There’s that.

    I’m totally with your soapbox. There are some things that shouldn’t be managed by greed. We deserve better. And, seriously, if the government can pay out 700 billion dollars to free up the credit market, give us heath care already. Pisses me off.

  9. Hang in there, good postive vibrations coming your way. Had friends who just recently went through this not fun but just a necessary step on the path to wellness. Kick it good. Allez.

  10. shit! Sounds like you are on some drugs there, Ez! Well, I am thinking of you along with everyone else here and fully expecting for this crap to be over in the very near future. Also, You look so pissed in this photo, but sooo adorable! I know that’s probably not what you need to hear right now, but it can’t be helped.

    Hey, I have been working on spoon girl! I am struggling with how much underpants it’s appropriate to flash? hmmm… Might need a small comittee on this one :^)

  11. the fact that people can go bankrupt from paying for an illness is tragic, i agree. there is enough stress involved in facing illness, let alone letting said illness eat family finances alive.

    before i step onto a soap box, i would like to point out that some things have changed. here is some good facts to concentrate on:

    1. when my mother and aunt had their mastectomies in their fight from breast cancer, reconstructive surgery was deemed “cosmetic” and insurance would not pay. In the late 80s, congress passed a law that reconstructive surgery was not elective and insurance companies had to pay for it. my mother died before she had a chance to get her surgery, but my aunt has a beautiful new rack that she loves and loves to show off.

    2. a positive genetic test could be held against the policy holder. positive illness genes (such as cancer) would be deemed a “pre-existing condition” and would legally allow the insurace company to deny their services. i have avoided BRCA testing because of this fact. instead, i would get mammograms, starting at 18. i would pay in cash so not to trigger a “pre-existing condition” marker. Congress passed a law THIS SUMMER that ruled positive genetic testing results cannot be considered a pre-existing condition. so now patients can be screened without fear.

    now out of these “Good” things comes a few suggestions:

    1. “Pre-existing conditions” denials should be illegal, especially those that are genetic. Insurance works on the guiding principle “the many support the few”. statistically there should be no reason that those marked by bad genes shouldn’t be able to be covered, since they are “the few”. healthy subscribers would end up supporting these patients once the illness takes hold. statistically, the insurance model still works regardless if the illness lay in wait within the DNA or a catastrophic event occurs.

    2. insurance companies should be non-for-profit. there is no reason to make money on the suffering of others. NFP status might motivate the industry to strive for perfection in their work, not for profit.

    i am sorry that you are having to go through the treatment cycle again and that you will have to be imaged and poked and prodded for a long time to come, however the security of insurance, good doctors, and advanced medicine should be some comfort. thank you for getting your message out and making people aware of what sufferers and survivors have to face on a daily, monthly, yearly basis. stay strong!

  12. Personally, as a Canadian, I think socialized medicine should be a global right. I am concerned though how private clinics/treatment is slowly becoming more available in Canada. I was shocked to hear how HMO’s function in the States. I think you’re right. It should be illegal for any company to profit from healthcare.

    Getting sick or injured in the USA is my greatest fear.

  13. wow, quite a few opiates.. that must be a real drag for presumably hasnt taken them before? 🙂 I couldnt imagine man.. I hope you begin to be able to take in more food and hold it down..the opiates arent any good for your digestion….it sucks that opiates are known for causing pretty bad constipation.. i hope you move on from too many of those pills..soon.

    Well wishes to you friend..

  14. Cancer sucks giant donkey dick! My good friend Tammy has recently finished her second fight with breast cancer. She was one of the few who went to work thru her treatments and work was not kind to her. Your soap box was what many of us want to scream everyday!

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