break’s over

I went back on the juice yesterday.  It’s not the worse round I’ve had, but I did wake up feeling like I’d been beaten with bats.  Hill took off for North Carolina this morning, to visit family.  My reprieve last week screwed up the schedule a little, and she was a little anxious about leaving while I was in the middle of a treatment..  so far so good, though.  She’s been gone for about 20 minutes.

Something strange happened last friday.  I got out of bed and scratched my ass on the way to the bathroom to take a pee..  My hand came up bloody.  “Hey baby, look at this!”  I showed her my hand.  “What on earth is that!?”  “Not sure,” I said, and tried the other hand.  Same thing.  Covered with blood.  Then I started noticing it running down the backs of my legs.  WTF!!  I jumped in the shower leaving a trail of blood on the floor, and stayed in there until it stopped.  There’s a spot towards the top of my perineal incision that isn’t entirely closed..  I’m trying to think of some simple sewing analogy to help explain it, but can’t really.  Anyway.  There’s a bit of a hole back there..  about half way up to the top of my ass crack.  And on friday it gushed blood.  Weird.  Then yesterday again as I was getting out of bed, though not as bad.  I showed it to the doc.  “Hmm… Looks like a fistula..”  (he heee!!!   A Fistula in my Asstula!!  How do you keep a straight face for that!).  Apparently we have to find out how deep it goes, perhaps by injecting some sort of contrast into it and taking xrays..  or another cat scan..  something.  Then it has to be cleaned out and closed.  More surgery possibly.

I’m feeling like such hell from the chemo, that I can’t imagine heading in to see the surgeon for a few days yet, but it may be out of my hands.  We’ll see what happens when I go in today.

I’m through the worst of this round.  I get the oxaliplatin on the first day, and that’s the one that really seems to knock me sideways.  Nausea, and numbness in the hands, and occasionally serious aches and pains.  Generally, though, by day two I’m able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I’ll go in today for Erbitux and more leukovorin..  Then home with the pump over night (I have pierogies and kielbasa waiting for me for dinner.  The only advantage to Hill being gone is that I get to cook stuff she’s not normally too excited about!).  Unplugged tomorrow, and with any luck straight to the pool hall for some meditation!  (that bloody fistula *te heeee!!!* might derail my plans a little, though).

0 Replies to “break’s over”

  1. Wishing you an easy go of it all. Much strength, and many good thoughts your way. I’m a stranger who checks in now and again, and I am always so inspired by your courage, warmth, and fortitude (not to mention those mad picture-taking and cooking skills!). Know that someone down south is wishing you so much good — and enjoy those pierogies, mmm.

  2. ah ezra dang.
    and those words, sounds like a opera. ‘I can’t wait to go see the Fistula tonight’ or maybe a fancy racing bike, ‘the fistula is engineered to break though all sound barriers of your next race. prepare to meet the snotrocket’.

  3. Laughing so hard at “Fistula in my Asstula” that I forgot what I was going to say. You and Hill remain in this “stranger-you’ve-never-met-but-is-pulling-for-you-anyway”‘s thoughts.

  4. Good fucking grief… just what you need is one more thing on your plate, right? Glad you are finding some humor in it.. asstula fisstula… eek.

    Love and strength to you… I can certainly see how Hillary would be anxious to leave you but I hope she can enjoy the time spent with her family!

  5. Ez, you are a very funny dude. I laughed so hard at your “fisstula asstula” words. Your sense of humor in the face of such grave matters is amazing. You are amazing. Sending you strength, love, and hope during this difficult time.

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