emerging from fog

I’m feeling a little better.

It was a pretty tough week.  I don’t really remember this stuff beating me up quite so badly, though maybe all I have to do is look back at some blog entries from a couple years ago!

I have not puked.  Acne has not started.  My hair hasn’t started falling out in clumps.

I do have slightly tingly fingers already.. something that didn’t start until round 2 of the oxaliplatin last time.

I have had a few nose bleeds.. something that we had been blaming the avastin for last time, but I’m not on that stuff this time around!  YAY!!  More nose bleed photos!

I have DEFINITELY been experiencing chemo brain in a big way.  Total inability to focus.  I feel as though there are some things that took a while to develop the last time, that are cropping RIGHT back up this time around.  Maybe just because they know how!  It’s as though the body says, “oh yeah.. this stuff..  I remember how to react to this stuff!”

Thursday was pretty bad.  I stayed in bed for most of the day.  I watched Efren Reyes play one pocket (that’s pool.. an old man’s game, that I love..  and that is like watching paint dry for those who don’t know what they’re looking at!) against Shannon Daulton, for over 2 and a half hours.  I manged finally to get out of bed at around 3:30 to make some pork chile verde for Glen H, Samamidon, and brother Doveman who all came to dinner, strangely all overlapping in town at the same time for just one night.  The chile verde was really good.  It was a second stab at a method I dreamed up a couple of weeks ago.  I will share it here next time I have the mind to.

On friday, I felt a little bit better, but still basically flat.  I’ve had a frustrating level of headache and borderline nausea that makes it really difficult to nap.  Or to sleep well, really.  I was up at 4 this morning, but waited patiently in bed until 5:30 before getting up to make coffee and answer emails.  (maybe not THAT patiently.  I tried some really creative snuggling with Hill to see if it would make me tired.  I couldn’t find Putney in the covers.  After a while Hill said, “baby.. maybe you should put your headphones on and watch something on netflix.  Or read..”).  Our wonderful housemate Emmy Oz had friends over to make apple pie in the evening and I thought it fitting to make them Pizza pie as a snack (one with potato/pesto/feta..   and another with prosciutto and ribbons of delicata squash and sundried tomatoes..  sounds really haute, but was actually just yummy).

One moment.  Hill’s alarm just went off.  I’ll make her some coffee and come back.

Saturday, yesterday, I left the house!  Twice!  Hill and I went down town and did some errands together, until I was pretty much done with walking around.  Came home to rest for a while.  Then after a quick dinner (pasta with pumpkin and anchovies..  parsley, browned onions, bread crumbs and parmesan) we went out again to hear Sam’s show at the Kitchen.  He was wonderful.  At the end when I said, “baby!  let’s make a break for it!” Hill assumed that I was being my normal socially impatient self, eager to avoid the after concert chit chat and etc..  We haven’t yet come up with a short hand for Shit Bag emergencies.  Perhaps, “baby.  I really need to GO now..”  with wide eyes.  Wasn’t sure I’d make it home.  I did.

That’s it.  Up to date.  Today I’ll try and get a few things done around the house.  Move some bike crates (with help, of course.. still not allowed to lift!!  GAH!!) from the bike room to the shop, to make a little room for thanks giving.

Tomorrow I’ll go in for a top up of erbitux.  Hoping that the allergic reaction was a one time deal.  Hoping also that the stuff on its own and at normal dose isn’t so bad.  Hoping that the associated leprosy continues to stay away.

12 Replies to “emerging from fog”

  1. Ah-ha! I’ve always called mine a social anxiety. Social impatience is exactly it! My disorder has a name!

    I’m glad to see you’re eating. Eating well, it sounds!

  2. Hey, got your back on the emergency bathroom problem, I’ve had crohn’s colitis for almost 15 years. My wife is pretty empathetic to this problem. Best thing you can do is keep getting out, your life will adjust to your body. Glad to hear things are continuing on after surgery and chemo.

  3. for a guy on chemo, you sure know how to make a hungry girl drool. 🙂 here’s hoping that next week is easier. and enjoy thanksgiving!

  4. Hope the meds are keeping the vomiting at bay – do you think? Hate you are having to go back for more this week of Thanksgiving. Hoping that the acne stays away!

  5. “Shit Bag emergencies”

    You kill me.

    How about, “Honey we need to go because I just went.”

    You can always break out into a Jimmy Durante tune:

    “Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted to go,
    But still had the feeling that you wanted to stay.
    You knew it was right, wasn’t wrong.
    Still you knew you wouldn’t be very long.
    Go or stay, stay or go,
    Start to go again and change your mind again.
    It’s hard to have the feeling that you wanted to go,
    But still have the feeling that you wanted to stay.
    Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, si, do.
    I’ll go.
    I’ll stay”

  6. Ezra, per the tingly feeling in your fingers; when I did chemo (cisplatin/taxotere) the nurse had me immerse my hands in a bowl of ice. Not my favorite thing, but I ended up with noticeable neuropathy in my feet (not immersed) but not my fingers…so, just a thought.

  7. Ezra! SO nice to run across you online….. was looking at pilobolus and renee jaworski, and thought of you. Love you…. sorry you are going through these health trials, but it is just so nice to hear of you online.
    Loved being your housemate. cooking is a passion with me, still dancing, living in the house of Brigitta Herrmann, Mary Wigman student, ausdruckstanz extraordinaire… with beautiful dancer daughter Laina Fischbeck from France, recently here performing at/with Group Motion in Philadelphia…..
    never can surmount that apple crisp you championed….