The other day in the bathtub thinking about chemotherapy, I had a brief flash of the sort of bravado that I had going into treatment the first time around.  Just a glimmer of “Bring it!”  It passed really quickly.

It’s a good thing that there was any feeling at all of being ready for it, though, because the ball is rolling again.

Today I’m going in for a pet ct.  By Monday we’ll know whether or not the cancer has taken up residence in my liver/lungs etc.. fingers crossed hard.  Next week I’ll have a port placed, and on the 15th I’ll start chemo.  I had to fight for the 15th a little.  He wanted to start on the 8th, but that would have put round two on the week of thanksgiving, instead of making that a week off.

“If we start on the 8th, the week of thanksgiving will be a chemo week.”

“so?..  I’m going to be in town”

“That’s not what I was worried about.  It’s the only holiday I celebrate..  I want to enjoy it.  I cook for a lot of people on thanksgiving..”

“someone else can do the cooking.”

I gave him the steeliest look I could muster and he relented.

So it’s all still a LITTLE way off, but it’s bearing down.  Gah.  No fun.

I’m feeling better and better.  Physically, mentally.  I have moments during the day when I’m pretty comfortable and optimistic (I’m remembering a chocolate genius break up song where he sings “I forget about you at least twice a day”) .  Other moments when the pain gets away from me a little.  Evenings are strangely difficult..  5pm seems to be a real low point.  5pm or so is when I resort to pain meds (and bourbon).  For the last 3 days, though, I haven’t needed any during the rest of the day.  Progress!  In two weeks, when the chemo starts, I’ll probably be feeling pretty good!  *holds head in hands*

I’m getting pretty excited about the Assless returning from the painter with its shiny new paint.  It’s going to have a pretty different look!  Can’t wait.  It’s been about 6 weeks since I’ve ridden a bike.  Even though that thing is a torture machine, I’m looking forward to have my range extended a little.

0 Replies to “friday”

  1. Crossing my fingers with you Ezra! Glad you stood your ground on Thanksgiving. Good call. You should make the most of it. Sending love your way man.

  2. Ezra: Fingers crossed here. And have you thought about going freewheel on the assless? Might be the kind of break to take.

  3. Hold your ground brother and keep carving out those moments that are yours. As a 21 year survivor of this journey, it’s been those small moments of personal victory over the ‘generic solution’ offered by doctors and hospitals that have continued to float me and allowed what were once only fleeting moments of ‘forgetting’ to turn to fleeting moments of ‘remembering’. I’ll hoist a drumstick for you!


  4. We’ve never met or spoken, we found your blog from SWs website and have been captivated and inspired by your posts. Enjoy your weekend and we send our best for Monday and beyond.

  5. Everything I have is crossed for you Ezra. Even things I didn’t know could cross are crossed.

    xxxxxxxxxx <—-Those aren’t kisses. They are all of my crossed things.

  6. I’m rooting for you, too, Ezra. I am sending you good thoughts. You are in everyone’s thoughts here and we are all crossing our fingers and toes.

  7. My whole family are all crossed up wishing the best of your scan today. So glad you will enjoy Thanksgiving. For the past 20 years I have thrown a bash each Thanksgiving. This year has been challenging and I have considered not bashing this year, but your post brought my own challenges into sharp perspective and I have the resolve to bash in your honor. I pray to the Almighty for your good health.


  8. Hub’s last treatment should be the week of Thanksgiving. His appetite has been pretty bad off weeks as well as on. But, at least we’ll all really have something to be thankful for.

    Best of luck with the scan results.

  9. fingers crossed, you bet!
    and holding my thumbs,(german custom) just in case.
    Can t wait to celebrate Thanksgiving with you

  10. Joe and I have all of our crossable parts crossed. We tried to take a photo of all the parts being crossed, but no parts of the photo were in focus. So you’ll have to take my word for it.

    Seriously though.

  11. Hope all went well Friday… and that you get good news this week. I’ll be in Philly for thanksgiving, and hope to let Mr. Biggs do all the cooking. But I highly doubt I’ll get my wish. 🙂

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