just 2 left

Radio silence..  I’m sorry.

Haven’t had too much to say.  Each round gets a little worse..  The pain lasts longer.  I’m two days from another treatment cycle, and still having to take pain meds.  WOW.  This chemo stuff is powerful.  I had 5 days of vicious mouth sores (tongue sores, to be precise), which I’ve decided are the WORST of the side effects.  But at this point my eyes are on the horizon.  I’m just two bloody cycles from the end, and in 5 days the worst of this next one will be over.  I’m as good as done with this stuff.  Then I get to begin the slow but steady recovery.  I’ll gradually get stronger, the bits of me that have had trouble healing while being assaulted with chemo drugs, will get back to the business at hand, my skin will clear up, my hair will come back, and hopefully the pain will go back to wherever it came from and leave me the hell alone.

During the last few months I’ve been doing quite a lot of planning.  I know that towards the beginning of this recurrence all was called into question..  did it make sense for me to continue to try to be a bike builder, or should I move on to things that I could do in a weaker state?  Should I write, should I take photographs, etc..  In the last months, though, the bikes have been pulling me back (even though I don’t know how long it’ll be before they let me ride one again!  Though, I did take a quick spin on a customer’s bike the other day, just to get it up to Grant’s tomb, where I shoot photos, and it felt GREAT!  A little strange, admittedly, given a considerably different anatomical reality in the region of my whatsits..  but great none the less).  I’ve decided to continue.  Not just continue, but actually dial things up a bit.  I will be expanding the shop, and turning it into TWO spaces.  One for metal, and one for wood.  You heard it here first, Fast Boy Cycles WILL be offering wooden fenders a la carte again by the end of the summer.  This won’t be a full time affair, they will be sold in batches..  three or four times a year a mailing will go out to the mailing list, and it’ll be first come first served.

I plan to spend the month between the end of my treatment and the end of Hillary’s semester, building out the new space, installing new equipment, designing new jigs and fixtures, etc.  Once Hill finishes up her semester, we will take a bit of a much needed vacation up in Nova Scotia, if we can swing it, and when we get back, I’ll dive back into building bikes.  There’s a bit of a queue already in place, but if you’ve been thinking for a while about getting a fast boy, and have been uncertain about the status of the whole affair, now is a very good time to order!

I understand that this is a bit of a gamble, but one can’t just live scared, you know?  The notion that I could recur any old time is definitely affecting some of the decision making, but I can’t let it simply shut me down.  I think that having this project as I finish treatment will be a good thing.. will make that transition go a little better.

I went to the bronx just now to look at a table saw.  In some strange twist of coincidence, and synergy, it turnd out that the guy selling the saw lived in putney for a few years back in the seventies and his wife was the cook at the day care center that my mom ran, and remembers me and my brother well!  How nuts is that!?  (Eva and Carol, if you’re reading this, Dianna Warren says hello). Answer an ad on craigslist, and you never know who you’ll meet!  (she’s also a colon cancer survivor).  Weird.  Life can be beautiful and strange.  The saw is great.  I’m going to buy it. Tomorrow. (Taking the Rican with me for muscle.  We’d all be lost without friends.)

Big love.

22 Replies to “just 2 left”

  1. Sorry to hear the last week has been rough, but what a fantastic update! 🙂 It’s clear that you are moving on from this s— and excited to get back in the shop. I think I started reading faster halfway through, there was just such positive energy. Keep on!

  2. good to hear you’ll that you’re going to keep building and growing. what do i need to do to get on that waiting list?
    abrazo fuerte.

  3. Glad to hear you’re planning ahead in a very positive direction. Can’t wait to see what the expansion brings!

  4. You can do two more rounds, I know it.

    So my car died yesterday. She was getting on in years and in a way it was nice of her to not drag it out, and to be so decisive. Since I’m about six months away from a big move to NYC, I’ve decided not to buy another car. Not now, not when I move and I’m kinda hopeful that I never buy another car again. I’m going to jump in the line for a Fastboy sometime this year I think. Could you make a bike that looks like a unicorn with daisies in it’s mane, and maybe has a cupholder that fits a wine bottle?

  5. Hi Ezra. I’m so glad you’re almost done with treatment, and am happy you have the wonderful people around you that you do to help you through. And Putney of course! Hoping these next two rounds go quickly…

  6. […]
    “We’d all be lost without friends.”
    It’s as simple as this, Ezra. Glad to read your last entry – and keep my fingers heavily crossed 🙂

  7. I am so glad to see you posted! Yay!
    Just as Heidi said…your post read with such positive energy. It’s amazing that you can dig deep for that positivity in the midst of the pain-hell you are going through. Sending you big prayers.
    Rock on Ezra.

  8. great to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and fantastic that you’re making big bike plans!! So so happy to hear about that.

  9. That’s *super* that you’re planning bike projects again. I bet ( hope) you’ll feed of the excitement and satisfaction, and so many cyclists will be happy.

    I’m sending more positive energy and your way, too

  10. I can’t wait for you to be finished with this chemo crap and move on with your life. Keeping you in my thoughts. Power up! The end is at hand (in a good way)!

  11. If I rode as often as I thought ” I need to ride more…” I would so get on your list. As it is, I’m just thrilled that you are so close to the end of this shit storm.
    Hugs and high-fives!!

  12. i just found your fast boy site. this really struck a chord:

    “I’m not going to die just yet. Which is good, because I’ve got shit to do!

    If you’ll excuse me, I’m actually going to go do some of it.”

    congrats. and keep it up!

  13. I love hearing about your plans. We never know if life will form to our plans or not, but that’s not the point! Direct the compass~

    My friend had colon cancer 10 years ago, which he got at age 34, and I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to see him walk down the aisle with his bride last year. He’s living his life.

    You have given me strength in my own life to know that we can face the most difficult situations with dignity and our own inner well of strength. As well as the wonderful support and love of good friends. Thank you for sharing your experience.

    Have a great day, Ezra.

  14. Love the idea of expanding the shop. keep it up and one day everyone will have a Fast Boy under their ass.

  15. Great news that your will be producing fenders again! I want a set of those, please alert me when they are available.
    Best of luck in your last 2 cycles.

  16. Ezra, I came upon your site one day and I am so glad I did. It’s good to see that you’re in the home stretch! I noticed you mention Nova Scotia in this post which happens to be where I grew up (in Cape Breton actually). I’m happy to hear you will be going there once your treatment wraps up – there is no better place to go for some recharging (and maybe a kitchen party or two!)

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