Last round (ya heard?)

It’s official.  I’m sitting here being dripped one last time.

Hill and Emmy Oz, and I drove down from Vermont yesterday morning.  The service was on Saturday, and it was beautiful.  My brother, Zach, spoke for us and it was perfect.  My old man was a home town boy.  He grew up in Putney, and never really left..  a little while for part of high school.. a little while in the service, but most of his life right there in Putney Vermont.  It felt as though the whole town turned out.  People spoke.  They all had the most generous things to say.  Those of you who were there, thank you.

I got back to NYC feeling as though I’d been hit by a truck.  Or maybe baseball bats.  It was a long week.  Lots to organize, lots to move, lots to drink.  I think I spent most of the week a little numb..  just trying to hold it together as best I could.  Trying to be there for my younger brother, for folks in the community, for myself.  But when I got back to the city, back to my own house, it all crumbled.  I didn’t have super generous things to say about him while he was alive, but goddam if I don’t miss him.  He was all heart, and he loved his kids mightily.  A sort of generosity of spirit that is uncommon.  Heartbroken.

We had to get back yesterday so that I could get fitted for my suit before launching into this last treatment.  It’s a beautiful suit.  Hill will be very happy indeed.  She’s not showing me her dress, so she won’t get to see the suit until she marches down the aisle.  Fair is fair.

I’m about half way through today’s treatment.  Already feeling like hell.  I was a little nervous that the doc wouldn’t be willing to treat me in my beat down state..  Feeling sick, overtired, various infected cuts and scrapes from tearing down walls in the old man’s house.  But he said, “well I’ve just mixed up $5k of chemo drugs, so we’re going to give them to you.”  Just punching through to the finish line.  So without something going terribly wrong, I will be finished and unplugged on wednesday..  for good..  and I’ll get to just walk away (or ride, I guess).

So here it is.  Please join me for the ride into, and away from, my very last treatment.  We’ll meet at my house in the morning.  I’d love to have as many of you as can make it.  We’ll ride to the clinic..  I’ll get unplugged (won’t take more than a few minutes), and we’ll ride back home through the park for some good lunch of some kind.  If you’d like to join in, please email me for directions.

That’s it.  Thank you all for staying tuned. Three days left.

0 Replies to “Last round (ya heard?)”

  1. Fucking awesome. Congratulations, Ezra! I can’t imagine how ground down you’re feeling right now (well, only partly), but know that every passing day will leave you feeling a little more like yourself.

    Thinking of you. 🙂

  2. Finished!!! You’ve been over some huge hills brother (especially lately), but you’re still gripping the handlebars. Would love to ride, but can’t get into the city tomorrow. Have a great one and take care!! Best to Hillary and Putney.

  3. Fuck. Cancer.

    You. Are. Done.

    ‘member a while back and we had a count down each day??? we should do that again…

    3…

  4. All heart, for sure. I so wish I could have been there with you on Saturday to say goodbye.

    Three cheers for the final chemo countdown. I’ll be on my favorite local bike route here, along the river, thinking of you.

    See you soon.