I don’t have time for this shit.
A couple of weeks ago, after I blew up my ACL, my friend Seth Rosko stopped by for a visit. He said something to the effect of, “Ha.. I love your strategy.. Fuck your body up so bad that the only way the universe can get the ironic upper hand is by letting you live!”
Those words were ringing in my ears last weekend when I had a goofy fall in the first ten minutes of a ride with MySam and dislocated my shoulder. In some strange moment of clarity, I INSTANTLY popped it back in. It turns out that was pretty good thinking.. the five second rule apparently applies to dislocated shoulders too! We rode for another hour and a half without serious incident. (It’s been pretty sore since, but hasn’t affected my pool game too much.)
Yesterday, though, I broke my arm. Night-stick fracture of the ulna, about 7 cm from the wrist. Complete break with no displacement.
This is all quite embarrassing. I wasn’t even planning on mentioning the shoulder. The thing is that after years of teaching what was essentially break dance, I fall pretty well. Ask anyone who’s ridden with me. For a while now, I’ve been getting away with murder. It seems like it’s catching up with me, though. On this particular crash, it was either my face or my forearms. I don’t even care to discuss how those ended up being the choices. Suffice it to say that I’m probably pretty lucky to have ended up with a broken arm.. my helmet wasn’t going to help me with this one.
We walked out. My good friend Todd refused to let me ride.
We drove back to the city. Bumper to bumper a good part of the way(?). Went to the emergency room. They got me in much faster than I would have guessed, confirmed the break, and put on a long arm cast.
“Don’t get it wet.. you’ll start to grow fungus, and we won’t be able to get in there for 6-8 weeks.. ”
“Wait.. six to eight weeks!!!?? Doc, I’m not even supposed to live that long..”
“No No” *chuckle* “you’ll be around longer than that.”
At the end of the night the same doc was taking my medical history on a piece of scrap paper..
“Any other medical issues?”
“Well. I have stage IV metastatic rectal cancer..”
My previous statement started sinking in.
“Oh. I’m so sorry. Anything else?”
“Nope. Otherwise I’m perfectly healthy.”
So here’s the deal. I’m having real trouble finding the humor in this. The discomfort is a non issue compared to the lack of function. Right now, the things that bring me pleasure in life are riding mountain bikes, playing pool, making things, and cooking in the evening for my little family. These are the things that keep me from going off the rails. They are the things that make it seem to me that there aren’t enough hours in the day. Without those things, and none of them are things that I can do with a long arm cast, I’m afraid that the days are going to start feeling pretty long. I was awake for a good portion of the night last night. All I came up with was playing darts.
I’m not looking for suggestions. In fact, please don’t make any.
What I AM looking for is an orthopedic surgeon who is willing to plate my ulna so that I can loose the cast, and even if I am not able to do any weight bearing I WILL at least be able to cook and play pool.
So. I’d like to do a little crowd sourcing. This is not likely to be something that insurance is willing to cover, but I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it. (there ARE some indications that plating the bone in my situation is a better strategy anyway). Being able to do the things I love for the next six weeks may be worth it to me, though.
Who do we know?
I’ve already got the feelers out with some of my team, but if you ARE the doc, or know the doc, please be in touch!
Fast Boy out.