It’s been a minute since I’ve written anything up here.
This broken arm has really been making me feel tired. Everything takes more energy. It seems to be healing just fine. I only wear a splint if I’m on the subway, or somewhere else that I’m likely to get run into. But I can’t (shouldn’t) lift anything, and range of motion is pretty compromised. Playing pool is no issue. That’s a big relief. Cooking is slow, though. Trying to do anything in the shop is slow/not possible. This week I have slid out of retirement to teach a bike building class to an old friend. By the time 5:00 rolls around and I send him away, I am ready for bed. Last night I rallied after an evening nap and made dinner for friends/family. Tonight I will have to rally to go to Sam Amidon’s album release at Poisson Rouge. If you don’t already know of our good friend Sam, you should familiarize yourself.. and if there are tickets left for the event, you should buy them! (see you there).
I have requested an appointment with my doc. I’m curious (and a bit terrified) to perhaps do some imaging and see how the tumors have progressed. We’re two weeks away from the beginning of June, which will be 6 months from the time that the docs suggested that I had 6-8 months to live. I guess it’s possible that whatever increased levels of pain and fatigue I’m feeling are purely due to the anxiety/depression of that reality. Maybe getting some pictures and seeing that the tumors haven’t advanced nearly as much as the doctors had expected will help on that level.
On the other hand, the docs could look at the pictures and say, “we’re pretty surprised that you’re not feeling MORE fatigued than you are.. shit.. you shouldn’t be upright! Why don’t you head home and we’ll send someone to set you up with a morphine drip”
“Um. Doc. That’s not going to work for me. I’m supposed to be racing bikes in Germany in August..”
Gang. This thing is wearing me down. I’ve been wanting to work on getting some photos up for sale on my website, as some of you have requested.. I’ve been wanting to do some work on my website in general – make an auction page for the UTA – make it a little more clear on the orders page that I’m not looking for new orders at this stage, etc.. I’ve been wanting to work on a set of stools that are rattling around in my head (broken arm not helping with that either, really).. There ARE even some people that I’d like to spend a little time with. But I’m not finding the energy to do any of it.
We have a couple of sets of really nice new linen sheets for our bed.
The folks from Made By Hand came to the house for a couple of days in January of 2012 to shoot a short film about me. I had been pretty hesitant about the idea from the start, and when the appointed day(s) rolled around I wasn’t in great shape. I was in remission. I was cancer free, as far as we knew. I was building bikes and trying to get on with my life. But I was pretty depressed. I guess not uncommon for people who have been through treatment for cancer.. AND it was January.
I opened the door expecting Keith (the film maker) and a camera man.. it turned out to be a crew of 6 (7?). I was overwhelmed. The two days left me feeling pretty wretched. I said all sorts of things in front of the camera that I regretted having said. Like the feeling you sometimes have after a night of too much drinking, when you wake up and think “wow.. did that really tumble out of my mouth?” and you think about how maybe you’d be better off if you just took a vow of silence. I have a feeling that I may have said “hipster dipshits,” at least a couple of times during filming, and some things about the people to whom I was referring that I’m not about to dredge up and repeat here. The guys in the crew were unbelievably nice about it, though.. and in the end, they made a film that did NOT make me seem like the bitter wretched human being that I felt like at the time. I am very grateful for that.
Enjoy. And as always, thank you all for staying tuned.