Yikes.  The last three days where a nightmare.  Feeling SO relieved that today is Monday!  Or maybe just that today is the day that I feel better than I HAVE been for the last three days.

A very nice bike ride with Hill and Sam on Thursday.   Before and after which we got some good Fast Boy Cycles jersey promo shots!  I got home from that ride feeling, at first, just that wonderful post ride endorphin driven high/tired.  As the day wore on, though, it turned into just plain old tired.  In the afternoon I went down to the pool hall to shoot for an hour or so, and to pick up some film that I had dropped off for processing .  A roll that I ran through the hasselblad in Glen’s hotel room.  (Also swung through little Korea on 32nd to pick up some groceries for dinner).  While I was out and about it started to really hit me.  I found myself nodding off at the pool hall.  I made it home, though.  I cooked dinner with MySam who wanted to learn to make one particular Thai dish that I often make (Sam did most of the work).  Was VERY happy to get to bed.

Friday morning is when the shit hit the fan so to speak.  A slow start to begin with.  I woke up late.  I was hurting everywhere.  But flu like, not really post ride like.  An irrigation morning.  But I didn’t get started until rather late.  Almost noon, if I remember.  It didn’t go well at all.  I filled myself up with LITERS of water and then just sat and waited.  Dozing off on the toilet between unproductive painful spasms..  No idea what was going wrong.  Eventually.. after 3 hours or so, I lost patience.  I showered off.. but left the irrigation sleeve on with a knot tied in the end, knowing that eventually something had to come out.  I put on a towel and went back to bed.  Exhausted.  Body hurting.  Abdomen hurting.  Fell fast asleep.  Got out of bed at around 9:00 to eat a half a bowl of chicken soup that Hill made.

Saturday I’m not sure I ever really got out of bed.  I mean, not for more than 15 or 20 minutes at a time.  Simply could NOT wake up.  Body was hurting like I’d been beaten with baseball bats.  It all felt very much like the flu.  Maybe it WAS the flu!?  I’m not sure if it was Saturday or Friday.. or maybe both that Hill spent most of the day working in bed right next to me, just because I needed her close.  Indian Take out for dinner and an Iron Man 3 viewing.  Then.  Back to sleep.

Yesterday was like a repeat of friday only worse.  Hill brought me coffee at 10!!!???  How the HELL did I sleep until 10?!  I couldn’t drink it.  Had to take break through pain meds and lie down..  fell back asleep.  When I woke up it was afternoon.  And I still had to irrigate.  Didn’t get out of the bathroom until nearly 4:30, and only then because I had simply run out of patience once again, (and had run out of good one pocket matches to watch).   Utterly infuriated.  Scared.  Confused.  Back to bed.  This time more out of shear frustration than actual fatigue.  Three days lost to me.  More time spent asleep than awake.  Whole body hurting.. some of the usual suspects, but mostly brand new pains that I have no explanation for.   What on earth is happening to me!?



This morning I’m feeling quite a lot better (I’m hoping that maybe it WAS just the flu).  And a good thing too, because this afternoon at 1:00PM the first round of pill flasks are scheduled to go on sale.  I see no reason not to make that happen!!  It’ll cheer me up to actually DO something, after three days of being too tired to even string together a coherent sentence!

SO.  At precisely 1:00 PM be sure to check the FOR SALE tab at to get yours!  I will spend the afternoon packing them up!  For those of you encouraging me to rest, rest..  take it easy.. watch a movie..  just relax and enjoy yourself..  spend time with the ones you love.. Don’t worry about us, or about the pill flasks, or jerseys, or fast boy saddles (wait..what did he say?), I really appreciate it..  I do.  But it’s not how I’m wired.  I’ll write a special post just about this very soon.

At any rate.  Pill flasks.  1:00PM  Today.  HERE

Updates also at the fast boy cycles facebook page.

23 Replies to “TGIM”

  1. ! can’t believe i missed out again.
    Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better after a rough weekend, hope the upturn endures.


  2. Not how I’m wired either. Frustrating, painful weekend to say the least! Glory be to pill flasks, and the little accomplishments that keep us going. Much love to you, Ezra, always happy to see a new post.


  3. Ah! I totally missed this – say more things about jerseys and saddles:) This slow/unpredictable irrigation business is the worst, but I (oddly) love the rhythm of this post. You sound up. Resilient. As always – thanks so much for the update:) We dig the way you’re wired…

  4. Do you ever think about going back into treatment, or checking if there are any new trials to enter? I ask from an utterly selfish place….I just can’t imagine this Universe, without Daniel Ezra Caldwell.

    Sad Girl Out

  5. Thinking of you guys both…reading and following from my little neck of the woods in Wisconsin…miss you both and sending the best vibes possible your way!!!

  6. Seems to me you arent wired to relax : ) : ) Pill flasks and websites and photos and pool and bike rides forever. To each his own!

  7. been thinking about the meaning of a day recently, especially not wasting any. just realized that at some point earlier this year, I passed the 10,000 day mark (27.4 years). certainly no days to waste. love you Ez.

  8. I’m so glad that Hill has work that she can do in bed with you, and glad that she is willing to do it. Please make sure you thank her every day for her help. I’ve been a caretaker for my husband with brain cancer and please know that we are under much stress too. Hill,
    you are a treasure to Ezra.

  9. Bummer, Ezra, missed out on your pill flasks again!! And I really really wanted one of the ones that Putney had grazed with her sweet nose!
    But even if some of us missed out, again, who cares?!! It’s just as much fun to know how the whole process cheers you. You may even get a kick out of knowing exactly how many times some of us refreshed and still couldn’t get that tiny flask into our big empty carts?!!! And now we’re getting a kick out of you getting a kick out of the whole thing! So, cheers all around and big CONGRATS on making it through those crazy 3 days!! Do, be, enjoy, XOXO

  10. You keep yourself busy and going any way you like!

    Sorry about the pain..(easy to say, but i mean it).

    I am at work all day so no pill flasks for me…maybe a jersey in M…later?
    But even that does not matter…your posts mean infinately more to me Ezra.
    Although i never met you, Hil and Putney i am glad and sad i stumbled over your site..i wish we all met you guys in different circumstances..

    Slowboy out!

  11. I stayed in NYC recently, and my hotel was in little Korea, right on 32nd. This made me think of you concentratedly walking down the street, past the karaoke joints and Asian food courts. We did not coincide in time, but at least in space. And for some reason it makes me feel close to your world.

    Thank you for sharing it, and for doing so with such poignant crudity. It is no small life lesson you are teaching us.

    Much love.

  12. Wish I had something for you, brother.

    How about a suggestion. Since you found Iron Man III a distraction, go see Gravity. Not much of a plot, just one damn thing after another. The universe literally throwing junk at a vulnerable Sandra Bullock (floating around in sexy boy shorts), and Bullock mcgyvering in response. Might be metaphoricaltastic, or at least fun. It’s worth paying for the 3D glasses, btw, and I usually hate 3D.

    I did have a couple thoughts while reading your post. The first one in all ignorance: maybe a stoma nurse might have some suggestions on small irrigation technique and frequency adjustments.

    Second, with some vicarious experience, maybe everday won’t be an eating day, or all out eating day, and maybe that’s to be expected. More space junk, incoming. But, less eats, less poop…

    Also, some days might be days for different foods. Calories are calories are good. When in zero gravity, you may have to eat processed space food you wouldn’t usually touch.

    Still, happy to hear you’re still a curry hound.

    Keep riding that bike!

  13. I’ve been listening to Glen Hansard quite a bit lately and, of course, thinking about you and yours and much more time with no pain and excitement inducing projects. Great synchronicity in the photo above. Very glad to hear the hope and relief in your post.

  14. Hi Ez,
    I hope it was a flu. Glad to hear that you feel slightly better.
    Good to see your old friend Glen on the picture. You know what – he is giving a concert in Copenhagen on 16 November and I got the tickets! Looking forward to it.
    Lots of love from Denmark.

  15. Dear Ezra

    I am a relatively healthy person, (no cancer as far as I know) yet your posts give me inspiration to get through another day with grace and damn the torpedoes. Thanks again for taking the time to write to us. And, I do hope you had success in the waste production dept.!! that was a cliff hanger for sure.

    xo & love from New Orleans.

  16. Hi Ezra, thinking of you. So sorry about your painful days. Your candid spirit and drive to carry on even during these bad patches is beyond inspiring. Happy to see you got out for a ride. I check in often and saw the pics. Also loved Putney sniff testing the latest batch of pill flasks. I went for a short bike this past Thursday, looked at my watch nearing home–wow it was 1pm. Crazy thing–I went to purchase and tried several times. Whatever the glitches were, about 1:30 I got lucky. I think it was meant to be. I take pills daily so this will be wonderful and I will treasure it always. Thank you. Much love, Robin

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