Things are fine

I’m writing to reassure you all that I am quite all right.  I received a flood of encouraging comments and emails after my last post.  Thank you all so much.  It really does mean the world to me to have your voices coming through the ether with encouragement, support, love.  I’m not sure what it was exactly about that last post that elicited such a strong reaction, but I want to assure you all that I am fine.

What I am going through is hell.  There’s no question about it.  This has proved MUCH harder than the last time I went through this shit.  And yet, happily, time relentlessly continues to pass, bringing each next treatment around seemingly a little faster than the last.  Before I know it, it’ll be done.  5 treatments left.  The next one starting in just 4 days.  The list of strange side effects continues to grow.  The aches and pains get worse, and last longer.  But I don’t want any of you to mistake the documentation of these for a feeling of defeat on my part.  I have my moments, for sure, when I’m pretty sure that the treatment is killing me..  But that’s the point.  It’s sorta supposed to kill you, but not QUITE.  My eyes are on the prize.  Make no mistake.  I am calm, and resolute.  I WILL finish this course of treatment.. and I WILL over a period of time recover from it.  Whether or not it leaves me cured seems to be largely a matter of chance, but we can hope.

In the mean time, a cannot stress just how much I’m loving my life despite it all.  Over the last few days, my bff and college room mate, Kim, came to visit, and we had a wonderful time.  Yesterday, despite mouth sores, we went on a little cheap spicy food walking tour.  I wanted to show her some of the gems that I’ve discovered living here in NYC.  We started at the highline just to have a nice stroll.. what a beautiful park..  even in the winter.  Then ambled down through the west village and into soho to make a stop at La Esquina/The Corner Deli, which has the best tacos that I’ve found in NYC.

I recommend both the Cochinita Pibil, and the Tinga de pollo.

We then wandered down into China town and stopped at a Malaysian place called Jaya.  Jaya has what I feel is the greatest appetizer in the city.  For $2.50 they bring you Roti Canai.  A big fried roti with a little bowl of some of the best malaysian chicken curry you can imagine.  Have it with a cheap Chinese beer, and you will be with the one you love.  When it came I was so excited to eat it that I didn’t take a picture, so all I have is a shot of the aftermath..

We did shopping for dinner at my favorite little Thai Market and then made our way to the most incredible food deal you can imagine.  Xi’an Famous Foods.  It’s a Western Chinese noddle stall under the Manhattan bridge, with standing room for two, that pulls noodles while you wait and serves them with combinations that most westerners wouldn’t recognize as Chinese.  With lots of influence from the western borders, this stuff is filled with cumin and other spices that you generally think of as Indian or Middle Eastern.  We shared a massive $6 plate of noodles with brazed lamb and cumin.

The whole event burned the hell out of my mouth sores, but was totally worth it.  We managed to walk just under 5 miles, which for me these days is actually a piece of exercise.  Had to come home and nap with the dog for a while before cooking dinner!  I made lap, sticky rice, and some really good tom kha (just to continue the assault on my mouth).  Sorry..  again no pictures or video.  Too happy just to be with friends spending time in the kitchen.

Today I will rest.  In the evening I’ll see if I can muster up the energy to shoot a cooking video.  No idea what’s for dinner, but the request lines are open until I go do the food shopping.

0 Replies to “Things are fine”

  1. I’m bookmarking this for future NY visits. I love spicy food and how you almost feel high after eating loads of chili. Hope it has beaten the hell out of your mouth sores! take care. x

  2. Fantastics news!!! I’m so happy reading this!, Have a very good time cooking and making fast video!, for sores I use honey, it’s natural, test it, it can’t hurt you.

  3. Never doubt of your resolution, you will win, that’s a fact my friend. Your courage to register your battle is always amazing, thanks for that, for all that heart you put in your life with it you are helping a lot of us to realize how valuable is life. a hug my friend.

  4. you rock, ez!
    and i cannot wait, until you post the next food-video. i klick 20 times a day, NY time and german time in the match, only to see, if you awake and maybe: posted a new video of your fab cooking-vids, that i love so much!
    all my love to NY, to you, to hill, to putney, from all aof us here in germany.

  5. Your last post had me hopping mad. I was going to get on a plane, bus, or hop a box car up to NYC just to shake some sense in you. I don’t know why but there seemed a sense of defeat in your words. You made me feel something i did not like and it brought out the fight in me.

    Glad to see you hooked up with an old friend, got out, ate good food, drank good beer, and took good photos.

  6. Great to see that as well as your treatments, your just getting on with life – we could all take a leaf out of your book and take the time to enjoy every day, especially with good friends (good food) and the ones we love.
    Best wishes from across the pond Ezra ;0)

  7. Glad to see your spirits lifted. Keep ’em up there!
    And I recommend lamb patties with a sour cream and tarragon sauce for dinner.

  8. Ez, you are an inspiration in your attitude, life, and use of talents. Don’t ever feel like you always have to have an up-an-at-’em attitude. You are going through hell and if you want to feel sad, it’s ok. Because only by feeling it can it pass. Thanks for all the food videos and photos. I especially like the ones with Putney. She is a gift to you and to us all who know her through you.

  9. That was a satisfying read! Never sensed a whit of defeat in you. Just honesty. I think that the hellish times make things like these all the more wonderful…

  10. Ah, we all – friends, family and strangers – love you. For better or worse, insickness and health. In good moods and bad ones, and in every single meal you cook. I think it’s important to write it all down. Regardless. Hope it’s a good week ahead…

  11. I believe this directly falls under the category of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. You’re an inspiration to us all.

  12. this is the best blog post ever. and i mean every blog post is fantastic. but this made me smile and feel so much better and less anxious for you. YAH SPICY FOOD, FRIENDS, WALKING AND NAPS!

  13. So excited to hear that your spririts are still up as you fight the fight! We’re all sending jabs and upper cuts and round house kicks on your behalf. ONLY 5 TREATMENTS TO GO!

    Your food tour sounds amazing! And I always drool when I read about your cooking. You should seriously open a restaurant.

  14. Yay!! so lovely to be able to vicariously enjoy your NYC excursion with your dear friend. I love your New York food insights too. xo

  15. Oooh… roti canai. I remember when we stopped for roti after a long rehearsal and on an empty stomach and it was so spicy that day I swear I hallucinated a little… and it was so worth it. I think I have only been a vegetarian for this long because I don’t live in NYC anymore : ) So many wonderful treasures, thanks for reminding me of them.

    Oh and I think Amy nailed it above… not defeat, just honesty. Thanks for sharing all of it.

  16. Of course you will win. You will because it’s cosmic justice. Because you deserve it. Because it can’t be any other way.

    Thanks for your words to encourage us readers.

  17. Hi Ezra! I’ve never met you but I just want to thank you for your website. My dad’s got terminal brain cancer and due to the cancer (cognitive degeneration) and his general curmudgeonliness, he’s never been able to talk about what he’s going through. So it’s an incredible breath of fresh air to read about someone’s journey through cancer. Even though you and he are going through very different experiences and treatments and everything, your openness and honesty still help me to understand. So thank you!