Writing mostly because I’m feeling the need to update. After a promising start, this week ended up being pretty tough. Monday night’s experience with the addition of Motrin horse pills, and what felt like successful management of the pain, left me feeling pretty optimistic about the week. So optimistic that Wednesday I went straight from being unplugged to the pool hall to play a truncated afternoon with Jeremiah. I went prepared. I took pain meds with me. Around the middle of the afternoon I felt the pain setting in, and nipped it in the bud with meds. Played very well for the rest of the afternoon, and went home feeling pretty tired. Made Hill some beautiful shrimp green curry, and got ready for an early night. Went to bed exhausted and then managed to go the whole night without sleeping at all. Around midnight, pain set in like it had something to prove, and I couldn’t really get on top of it. I wrote some emails and watched the clock until it said 6:00 and I felt I could get up and make myself some coffee.
Poor hill was so distracted by my restlessness that SHE couldn’t sleep, and ended up moving to the guest room.
Rather than give you the blow by blow of the rest of the week, I’ll sum up by saying that the pain is under slightly more control with the addition of Motrin, but that I ended up spending as many days in bed with Putney as I did last round and have finished the week feeling just as much like an emptied out shell.
My nose is in pretty serious trouble. I can’t blow it without triggering a nose bleed. I have a feeling that the erbitux is really wreaking havoc. Yesterday I could feel its side effects flaring up (strange, when I recieved the dose all the way back on tuesday!) and this morning I woke up with a mouth full of sores. Boooooring. (there’s some solace in knowing that any little cancer cells that are floating around my body are probably suffering from some pretty bad insomnia and mouth sores too.. screw ’em!)
I hate this pattern of bringing you ever more pitiful news. I sometimes hesitate to write at all, and yet the point is to document this bloody process.
Meanwhile, strangely, I find that I am ever more aware of just how much I love my life. My mind is going at warp speed with ideas.. I’m excited about getting back to building bikes, but also about lots of other things. I love making these food videos! I’ve got some music video work coming up that’s awfully exciting. There are things that I want to write, pieces of hardware that I want to design. Places I want to go.. and yet I’m falling asleep writing this entry. I’m beat. I’m tired. I hurt. It is unbelievably frustrating.
Tonight I will make fish cakes.