Thursday.

I’m up. Drinking coffee.

Yesterday sucked. Lots of puking.

Now trying to put myself back together for another day of it.

Alberto said that if my white cell counts got much lower he’d have to pause treatment.. (I’m thinking, “really? You promise?”). Of course, then again.. not sure I want it dragged out. Because of no treatment on labor day (cancer deserves a day off like everyone else), I already have to go back again on monday. A couple of days off over the weekend to recover a little and then right back in for a “STAY down!” kick in the teeth.

By the middle of next week, though, I should be feeling pretty well again, though. Then just a few more weeks of radiation, and the cancer should be dead. Nice. Sorry buddy.

Then I get 6 weeks or so of rest before surgery. I’ve been looking forward to it the same way you did summer vacation when you were a kid. It occurred to me the other day, though, that it’s going to be pretty weird. Their prediction is that the chemo and radiation should pretty much kill this thing.. so I’ll be feeling great. I’ll be feeling like myself. Give me a couple weeks there to recover from the treatment, and I’ll be on top of the world. Cancer free, etc. Then in early November, they’ll call me back in and say, “yeah.. um.. we’d like to remove your ass.”

“Hey! no thanks! I feel great!”

“No really. We need to.”

“dammit”

The whole no hair thing has been pretty weird. Strange to get used to in the mirror and all, but there’s a bigger thing. I’ve been in this neighborhood for over 8 years. I pretty much know everyone. Some of them knew about the cancer, and others didn’t. It just hadn’t really come up in conversation. But now it’s pretty hard to avoid.

“Hey! that’s a good new look!”

“Um yeah.. It’s cancer.”

“No way!… Are you joking?”

“I wouldn’t”

0 Replies to “Thursday.”

  1. Good Morning, Ezra!

    How about some random humor?

    Seen on a bumper sticker:
    I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges…

    Ever marching at your back,

    j, r, s & z

  2. Cancer gets a day off? When did it unionize?

    When I’m puking a lot, I start rainbowing, as I call it. First, I eat only red foods, like pasta with marinara, and pomegranate juice. Then, once I’ve puked that, I move onto orange, like cheetos and a peach. Etc, until I’ve worked my way through the rainbow, or stopped puking. It doesn’t really cure anything, just gives you something to do in the meantime. Think of it as performance art.

    Oh and here’s a tip, if you have time before you puke, lay a napkin or strip of toilet paper across the surface of the water, it almost completely eliminates backsplash.

    And at the risk of sounding a little too pollyanna, at least you don’t need anyone to hold your hair back……

    I hate throwing up.

  3. Valancy Jane – I think you’ve made my day!

    I was feeling kind of down before I read your comment but now I’m laughing so hard there are tears.

    The only thing is now I’m kind of dreading Fastboy’s next photos…

  4. I went through a similar thing. the baldness was the worst. I cant into work 1 week after my first treatment and started running my hands through my hair and it just came out in clumps. by the end of the day i looked like any dracula character, so i had my nurse friend buzz it off as well.

    I have read most of your blog today and it brings me back to almost 6 years ago now when i was diagnosed and faced this SHIT you are going through. i know your tiredness, you nausea, your pain, your support, your youth, your baldness (at least you kept those eyebrows, most of mine fell out)… but you will get back in spades, believe me.

  5. oskar!
    6 years! Congratulations. So comforting to hear. While I know in my heart that this is a hiccup, it is great to hear from people who’ve actually made it through. You’re an inspiration! Thanks.

    V.J.- you crack me up. Thank you dear.

    Troze- HA! hilarious.