Wow. Tried to start writing a detailed account of how the hell I got here, but kept falling asleep mid sentence. It was a rough night and I’m heavily dosed. At 2:00 this morning, I walked out of the Radiology center and back to my room in the palliative care wing, without getting the CT scan of the pelvis that I’d been called down for an hour earlier (“I’m so sorry for the wait, mr. Cadwel, but they say they ARE finally ready for you.. there was some sort of pediatric emergency.” This was a scan that I had been promised at 10:00 and had put off dinner in order to get). Hill is allowed to stay with me here and we had both brushed our teeth and tucked ourselves back in to bed when the guy from the front desk in radiology burst in to reprimand me.. It had taken him 15 or 20 minutes just to realize that we had walked out. They had been watching UFC or something like that on someone’s phone.
I’m waking up a little now. Why am I here!? The short version, which I think I’ll stick to, is that on tuesday I started experiencing a level of pain that I was simply unable to get under control (I ended up taking nearly triple my normal daily dose of narcotic pain killers all in an 8 or 9 hour window with no relief). The worst discomfort I have felt since the last surgery. Blinding pain. The kind of pain that makes it nearly impossible to even communicate. We eventually got my oncologist on the phone who suggested just continuing to try to get on top of it with break through medication over night and that he and my new palliative care doc would discuss it in the morning. I never DID manage to get on top of it. Palliative care doc called me in the morning, heard my account of things, and said that she’d like to have me admitted so that they could get things under control with IV pain meds, and do some diagnostics to try and find a cause for such a sudden spike.
“Well.. or we can try to see if you can get it under control at home with the oral meds you have.. But I would really like to be able to follow you for a while and make sure that things are under control”
The eight or nine days that I spent in the hospital after Surgery where some of the worst in my life.
“Well. Usually it’s possible to get things under control in a few days.”
“Days. Ok. So there’s no chance I’ll get out of there this afternoon..”
“How about tomorrow..”
I’m drinking contrast now to try again on the CT scan. The entire staff of the palliative care unit is up in arms about last night’s drama. They’re ready to start some sort of inter-departmental smack down on my behalf. Hopefully things will go without a hitch. I don’t know whether to hope they find a cause for the pain or not! (The universe feeling as though the Jury Duty joke wasn’t fully appreciated, now throwing a HEAVY wrench in the works to remind me that it doesn’t have to all be funny..)
Dozing off again. At some point here I have to find the time to irrigate.